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If I answer, I’ll hear his voice. The nightmares of that day and the weeks following will become fresh in my mind again. Everything will be as real as it was then, and I’m not sure I can handle reliving the moment my heart broke.
If I’m being honest with myself, I never really dealt with it to begin with. I ran away. As soon as I had the chance. Without saying good-bye. Then, as the city limit sign became smaller and smaller in my rear-view mirror, I vowed I’d never look back. I knew I was being a coward and I accepted that. After all the tears I shed, I couldn’t bear to look into their eyes even one last time.
The ringing stops, my screen fading to black after a few seconds, yet I can still see his face. I haven’t released the breath I sucked in thirty seconds ago as shock radiated through my body. My lungs are starting to burn but I can’t seem to let go. Maybe it’s because I know this isn’t over yet. He’s never been one to give up easily.
Hell, I’m not sure he’s ever given up on anything since I met him. Strong willed is putting it nicely. Stubborn is a more accurate description. Pain in my ass was always my favorite term.
All reasons I loved him.
My hope is that he’s changed. Maybe this will be the one time he lets it go, whatever it is, the reason he’s calling.
Who am I kidding? I know exactly why he’s calling. I’ve been expecting this call for years, yet it hasn’t come until now.
Year one I held my phone in my hand all day expecting it to ring. Or a text message to appear. Something, anything from my past to rear it’s ugly head. Because the heartache didn’t fail to consume me that day, nor did the buckets of tears I cried.
Year two, I left my phone was on vibrate in my pocket just in case. I didn’t want to hear from them. To talk about what happened. I was convinced the first year was a fluke, that they were going to call, but they never did.
The last two years, I kept my phone close to me but something inside of me told me it wasn’t going to ring. After years of silence, there was no reason to reach out at that point. It was just another day, even though my heart didn’t get the memo.
I should have known it would ring this year. Should have prepared for this moment. Red wine and ice cream are not going to get me through the rest of the night if I’m forced to answer this call.
When my phone doesn’t begin ringing again, I close my eyes and slowly exhale. Maybe he really isn’t going to push the issue. It would be a first, but stranger things have happened.
The pain in my chest is barely beginning to subside when I hear my phone beep, my eyes flying back open as I suck in a new breath.
Nope. Not giving up.
SPENCER: Avoiding me? That’s not very nice, Andi. I used to be your favorite. We used to be friends.
Past tense. I wonder if he even realizes what he’s said.
My fingers are poised to type a response when my phone starts ringing in my hand. There’s no avoiding him or his call. He’s going to continue pestering me until I answer him. Mainly because he knows I’ll give in eventually.
Spence would poke and poke and poke until we all gave in and he got his way. Whatever he wanted, he didn’t stop until he had it—from picking where we ordered takeout to what movie we were going to watch. If he had his heart set on something, he refused to give up.
Which means I will have to answer the phone.
Text feels like the safer route, and if I were at work, I’d have a believable excuse as to why I can’t take his call. Being that it’s Sunday, he’ll know I’m lying, and I’ve never been a good liar. I wear my emotions on my sleeve like a badge of honor.
“Hello, Spencer,” I state, attempting to keep my voice from shaking as I greet him with feigned enthusiasm.
“Andi. It’s been a long time.” He always was one to point out the obvious. “I’m surprised you gave in so easily. The Andi I knew would have made me try a little harder to get her on the phone. I had my money on at least three texts and five calls. Mia even guessed it would take at least two of each.”
The mention of Mia has me running my fingers through my hair and checking for split ends. I’d like to think she would be proud of me. For as much as I mess with my hair—straightening and curling it on a daily basis—it’s still healthy and free of damaging boxed hair dye. The worst product on the planet according to Mia. She would cringe whenever we walked down the aisle at the grocery store and passed the dozens upon dozens of tiny boxes.
“How much money did I cost you?” I ask, releasing my hair and letting the long curl fall across my chest.
Without Mia to style my hair, I haven’t cut more than necessary off in the last five years. A trim here and there to keep it healthy. I used to wear it just below my shoulders, framed around my face by long bangs. Those bangs have since grown out and it’s past the middle of my back.
“Nothing this time. We were both wrong, so no money is going to exchange hands.”
My hand flies to my mouth, covering the laugh that threatens to burst from my chest. Spence should know better. He may think he gets to keep his money but I’m sure Mia already has a plan for it and is currently on her Target or Amazon app making a purchase he won’t find out about until weeks after it’s arrived.
“Not to cut to the chase, but why are you calling, Spencer?” I ask, shaking away a memory of Mia with a sinister smirk on her face, palm out for Spencer to hand over his credit card the last time he lost a bet to her.
“Don’t you miss me?”
That’s a loaded question because I do. I miss all the friends I made in Great Falls, but the real answer is no. I can’t miss him. Because missing him, missing any of them, is too painful. And Spencer and Mia stayed after I ran.
