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Guilt & Shame
“Well,damn, girl. It’s good to see you,” Willy chimes as he jumps down from his truck.
“You too, Willy,” I reply, walking into his open arms.
Squeezing me tightly once, Willy holds me at arm’s length, the gaping hole where his two front teeth should be prominently displayed as he smiles at me. “Just as beautiful as always.”
Rolling my eyes, I take a step back and turn toward my car. “Just as ditzy as well.”
“Rushing home again?”
“Yep and running late.”
“Well, if you wanted to repeat history, I’m sure there’s a few other things you could have done instead,” he suggests, popping my gas cap off. “Running out of gas in the exact same spot wouldn’t have been at the top of my list.”
“Oh, ya know, I just wanted a reason to call you. That’s all,” I tease. “And I’m pretty sure I was farther away last time.”
“Only about fifty yards, if that.” Willy points past his truck, down the road I just traveled.
“Seriously?” I say in disbelief. It was dark, but there’s no way I was that close. It felt like we were miles away from town that night.
“You’re goingto run out of gas. Pull over and let’s fill up,” Wyatt says, pointing to the last gas station before we enter the void between Fairview and the rest of the state.
“We don't have time. I’m late, Wyatt. My parents are already going to be pissed if they find out you came with me.”
It was our weekend. I wanted to show Wyatt the campus, the dorms, everything. At the end of summer, I was off to attend college in Denver and leaving him here to save money for when I’m done. We have a plan, a good one. He’s going to work and save money, I’m going to fly through school and get a great job. He’ll have the money to get us wherever we want to go, and I’ll be able to keep us going until he finds a job.
Two kids, a dog, the whole shebang.
The only hiccup in our plan would be my parents. They don’t know about Wyatt and I can’t tell them. He runs outside their social circle and they wouldn’t approve. I don’t really care what they think, but I also know that if I want to go to college and not be in debt up to my eyeballs when I graduate, I need them.
“What happens when we run out of gas? They’re going to find us together then.”
“We won’t run out of gas, that’s the point. I’ll drop you off at the garage on my way through town, grab gas and then head home.”
Shaking his head at me, Wyatt turns up the volume and rolls down his window. It’s cooled down since we left Denver, the air sending a chill down my spine as it blows my hair into my eyes. Wyatt reaches over, brushes the hair away from my face, and tucks it behind my ear. Looking over at him, I smile, my heart full of emotions. Full of love.
My first love.
The one I’ll never forget.
The man I plan to marry one day and spend the rest of my life with.
Ten months ago, I was unhappy. I was in a relationship I knew was headed nowhere. All for appearances’ sake. To keep my parents happy. And, if I’m being honest with myself, so I didn’t feel lonely. It seems silly when I think about it now.
All the time I wasted on Josh, the year we spent together, is a blip on the radar now. I knew I’d never love him, but I also had no idea this is what love would feel like when I finally found it.
Those happy thoughts fade away as I pull my car over to the side of the road while Wyatt shakes his head at me. He’s too much of a gentleman to say, “I told you so,” but I can see it on his face. He’s never been good at hiding his thoughts from me.
“I’ll call Willy,” he offers, opening his door and stepping out into the darkness.
The sunset was beautiful tonight, illuminating the sky over the mountains are shades of purple, blue and red. Once the sun crossed the horizon, hours ago, we were blanketed in darkness, our only light source coming from the stars and the headlights of sporadic cars as they passed by.
“He’ll be here in less than twenty minutes. He has to head back to the shop first.”
“We’re not that far out. I bet we could walk into town and be back before he gets here,” I suggest, the only thing on my mind the fact that I’m going to be in trouble when I get home.
