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“What do you mean? I thought we needed to talk about what we were going to do next?”
“We do, but I want you to know that I don’t blame you. Not for what happened or how it happened. Not anymore. Your parents are to blame. They knew what they were doing, and they knew they wouldn’t be able to keep their secret forever. The past needs to be left there, in the past. Especially if we are going to move forward as a family.”
His words crush me.
“As a family.”
Three little words that mean more to me than the fact that he doesn’t blame me. I blame me. I could have fought harder, longer. I should have. Things could have been different. He missed out on four years of Lola’s life because I wasn’t strong enough.
“What do you want to do, then?” I ask, not sure how to reply to such a strong statement.
Reaching for my hand and lacing our fingers together, Wyatt looks me in the eye, and I can clearly see everything he’s feeling at the moment. There’s a mix of sadness and excitement. He’s hesitant to speak his mind, something he’s never been before.
I get it.
This is a big decision, the biggest we’ve ever had to make.
“If I ask you to stay, will you?” he finally says.
“Is that what you want?” I ask, not sure if he’s asking me to stay for Lola or because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.
“I want the chance to create the family we always talked about having. Movie nights by the fire with popcorn and candy. Tucking our kids into bed together every night. Waking up next to each other.”
My hands begin to shake as the memories of our conversation come back to me. He remembers every detail.
“You want how many kids?”I ask, sitting up and pulling the covers over my bare chest.
“Four. What’s wrong with that?”
“That’s a lot of kids, Wyatt. What about two?”
“Two means they’ll fight all the time. Just ask my mom. My sister and I didn’t start getting along until Willow moved out.”
“Okay, so maybe three, then.”
“Nope. Four is the magic number. And they have to be close together. All within a few years of each other.”
“So you want me barefoot and pregnant for an entire decade, then?”
Laughing, Wyatt pushes me down on the bed and rolls on top of me. I tried to tell him that we shouldn’t be having this conversation right now. It was inappropriate, but it’s also the only time we’re ever alone.
When I asked him to come to Denver with me, he jumped at the opportunity. Alone time has been scarce. Jones is having a hard time right now and going crazy. Every time we aren’t with him, he’s at a party getting wasted. With Jones working all weekend, and Willow on watch, Wyatt was able to sneak away for a few days.
And we’ve made the most of it.
We spent all day on campus, exploring the area and figuring out where I’ll need to be when classes start in a little over a month. After eating a light dinner, we’ve spent the rest of the night in bed, holding each other. Making up for lost time over the summer.
I’ve been trying not to think about the fact that I’m leaving him soon, but being here, in Denver, it’s been hard. Every time I look at him, I see my future, but there’s a huge lapse in time. I see him as a grown man with a child on his hip instead of a book bag slung over his shoulder.
I’ve tried to convince him to come to Denver with me, to enroll at the university. It’s not what he wants in life. He wants to work with his hands, to learn his father’s trade. Working on cars is his passion, and I would never want to deny him that.
“Is there something wrong with me wanting you with my child in your belly?” he asks, kissing down my exposed neck.
“Only if it means I’m uncomfortable all the time. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” I tease, my words coming out hoarse.
“Of course not,” he murmurs against my shoulder, slowly working his way down my body. “But I have four names picked out that I like and don’t want to have to choose between.”
Pushing against him, I wait until he’s looking me in the eye to speak. “Seriously? You have names already picked out?”
