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23
Goodbye, again
As Fairview disappearsin my rearview mirror, I cry. Just like the last time I left.
Tears of loss.
Tears of uncertainty.
The only difference is this time there are no tears of anger. I’ve let that go. I have to if I want to move on with my life.
After a quiet dinner with my parents last night, I retreated to the safety of my rented room at the B&B. My parents actually apologized to me. Not for the decisions they made, that would have been too earth-shattering, but they apologized for the repercussions of their decisions. They apologized for not allowing Wyatt the chance to know his daughter.
He was invited to come to dinner but declined. I can’t blame him. Who would want to be in that situation? I didn’t even really want to go, but I went anyway, more out of obligation than anything. I was glad I did after it was over.
My first step to closure happened as I drove away from their house. I felt finally felt free after all this time. Free from their grasp. Free to make my own decisions. That’s when the tears started, and they haven’t stopped yet.
Putting on a brave face, I met Addy at Wyatt’s this morning to say goodbye to Lola. She seemed excited to be staying with Wyatt, which broke my happy heart. I want her to spend time with him, but a part of me wanted her to be sad to be away from me.
Saying goodbye to Wyatt was awkward. We hugged, mumbled goodbye to each other, but I felt his stare as I walked away. It was like we were saying goodbye for the first time. I wanted to turn around and say hello just to say goodbye again, hoping I would feel different about it.
Now, Addy is behind me, following me home. Back to Denver. Back to the grind. Work will inevitably keep me busy, but it won’t keep my mind from wandering. Nothing will.
Lola is planning on calling me every night before bed. Wyatt promised to make sure she didn’t forget.
When we finally pull into the parking garage under our building, Addy rushes over and pulls me in for a hug. I’m not sure how she knew I needed it, but I did. My eyes are swollen and red. My heart is heavy, and I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted.
“You’re going to get through this, Chloe. If anyone can, it’s you.”
Her words are less than reassuring. Jones will be here in a week to visit her. I almost asked him to bring Lola with him, but that wasn’t the arrangement.
“I know,” I finally say as the elevator doors slide open in front of us. “Right now, all I want is to crawl in bed and sleep.”
It’s not even dinner time and I’m ready for bed.
“You know that’s not going to happen, right?”
Looking over at my best friend, I find her grinning at me. The kind of grin that you know means she’s up to no good. It scares you a little but, at the same time, peaks your curiosity.
Do I ask, or do I run away as fast as I can?
That’s what I do best, after all. I run. I don’t look back. I keep going until turning around isn’t an option anymore.
We can’t go back to the way things used to be. Too much time has passed, and too many hearts were broken in the process. Mending them will take far longer than you think, more effort than it might be worth.
That’s the question that won’t stop plaguing me.
Will it be worth it?
For Lola, yes. For me and Wyatt? I’m not sure we can go back to the way things were. We could play pretend, make a good show of it, but at the end of the day, is that all it would be? Going through the motions so everyone thinks things are great? So Lola thinks her parents are happy together?
He said he wanted what we dreamed of. The future we created that night.
How is that even possible?
The note on his wall confirms he’s been holding on all these years. But to what? Was he holding on to me? To his anger? To the mystery of what happened?
There are so many possibilities. Too many to think of. Too much uncertainty.
