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Brady
Fear.
Straight up, body paralyzing, fear. That's why I kiss her. Because if she said no, I'm not sure I would’ve been able to stop myself from kissing her anyway. From touching her. From holding her.
And I don't want to be that guy. The one who pushes himself on her. Convinces her she wants something she doesn't. And I’m afraid that's who I would end up being.
In a way, I kind of do by stealing her lips before she can answer.
But when she kisses me back, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer, I realized I'd freaked out for nothing. Because she isn't about to deny me.Yeswas on the tip of her tongue, I just didn't give her a chance to say it. For my sanity, I need to hear that word pass her lips. I need to hear her agree to stop pushing me away.
Because I'm done letting her. I'm done running from the way I feel. I can't hide from the truth anymore.
Mya is who I want. She's everything I've ever dreamed of. And I'm not talking about her body; though, she won't hear me complain about the way she looks.
Her heart is made of gold. She cares about others, their feelings, how things will affect them. She puts thought into her words, and her actions reflect that.
She's smart as hell. I know a lot of people look at nurses as sidekicks to doctors, or whatever. The fact is, she has to know more than I do about everything. I can study to specialize in one area of medicine when she'll be required to know a lot about every area.
It's her determination and grit that have drawn me in fully, though. She's not afraid to ask for what she wants, in bed or otherwise. If she doesn't have it, she doubles down and marches forward, never giving up.
Since meeting her, she's gone from being head-strong about wanting me, then she flipped and pushed me away. I let her. For both of us, it was about self-preservation. I can see that. She's as scared to get hurt as I am.
Which is why I need to hear her say she wants this.
Because I don't want to see her hurt. And I certainly don't want to be the cause of it. Not purposely.
Releasing her lips, I stare down at her and wait. Her breathing is ragged, her body trembling in my arms. When she doesn't say anything for a few minutes, I release her and take a step back, hoping to give her the space she needs to think.
But she doesn't let go of me.
Her hands remain clasped behind my neck, and she keeps her body pressed against me.
"Why did you stop?" she finally asks.
"I interrupted you."
"So."
"Finish what you were going to say."
"Does it really matter?"
"It does to me. What do you want, dove? Please, tell me." The pleading in my voice is all I hear as I stare into her eyes. They're swirling with emotion, the usually light sky blues a shade darker than normal.
"I want you. I want this. That hasn't changed. But I get why you don't want to kiss me in the light. In front of other people. And that's okay. We can keep this just between us. No one else has to know."
When it dawns on me what she's saying, I reach up and remove her hands, gently putting them at her sides, before taking a step back.
"I'm not ashamed of us, dove. Are you?"
"No. It's not that. I just get that it doesn't matter if people know or not. We don't have to tell anyone. I'm okay with that. With this being just a hook-up kind of thing. If that works for you, it works for me."
That doesn't work for me.
Not at all.
Not even a little. Because if that was all I wanted, I wouldn't be looking for it in a girl I already had feelings for. And definitely not from the girl I've wanted for years.
