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Digger and Harper exchange a concerned look, before Digger says, “Grandpa Jack has supper ready, so why don’t we take a load off and go eat?”
As hungry as I am, I promised myself I was going to cut and run the second we got back. I can’t stand another second of this tension. “Thanks, Digger, but I’m going to head back to the cabin. You know, make sure no one stole the sheets while I was gone.” I try to keep my tone light, but my voice cracks with emotion.
“You sure?” Harper asks. She’s staring at me so intently, I know she’s going to call for details the second she has a chance.
“Yeah, I’m beat.” As soon as I say that I remember that I’m Moira and the boys’ ride home. “You wouldn’t mind giving the gang a ride home, would you?” I ask Harper.
“Of course not.” Her eyebrows are knit together in worry.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Turning to Digger, I add, “And thanks for the ride back.”
I risk a glance at Moira, whose expression is unreadable. She gives me a short nod. “Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome,” I tell her as I grab my suitcase. “I’ll go tell the boys I’m leaving.” I’m glad the kids have run up ahead of us, as it gives me an excuse to do the same. I step off the dock and walk up the path to the lodge on wobbly legs. An important chapter of my life is ending, and the grief is nearly overwhelming. I didn’t even feel this bad when Paige left.
When I finally catch up to the kids, they’re on the back deck with Lily and Liam watching a video on Liam’s tablet.
Wyatt motions for me to come over. “You gotta see this, Ethan. This guy drinks a whole glass of milk through his nose!”
Chuckling, I walk over and ruffle his hair, then watch the thirty second video. The kids are killing themselves laughing, shouting about how gross and cool it is. When it’s over, I say, “I have to head back to my place, guys. I just wanted to thank you for being such wonderful guests this past week.”
Holding my hand up, I offer each of them a high five while they thank me for letting them stay at my “wicked house” and for showing them around.
Saying goodbye to the boys feels like a much bigger deal than it should. Sure, I’ll see them around town while I’m here, but it won’t be the same because I know they’ll never be mine. We’re not going to be the family I was hoping we’d be. The very thought makes my eyes water.
“See you for lunch tomorrow?” Wyatt asks.
“Ah, I don’t know. I need to get some serious writing done on my book, so I might try to hunker down at the cabin for a few days.”
“Okay.” I can see in his eyes that he’s worried something has changed. “Maybe we can stop by your cabin and say hi.”
“Have your mom call me.” Even as I say this, I know she never will.
The twins launch themselves at me en masse. “You’re the coolest, Ethan,” Colton says. Ash squeezes so tightly, it’s clear he isn’t oblivious to the gravity of what’s happening here. Even though the kids can’t put it into words, they know this goodbye is bigger than it seems.
As soon as I’m safely in my car, I let out a long sigh and close my eyes for a second. I wonder how long it’s going to be before I feel even remotely happy about my future again.
Based on the amount of pain I’m feeling now, I’m guessing it’s going to be a very long time.
Chapter41
Moira
“What in the world happened while you were away?” Harper asks as soon as Ethan is out of earshot.
“We went to Disneyland, the beach, and a Dodgers game,” I tell her, knowing full well I’m not addressing what she really wants to know.
“You seem tense,” Digger interjects, with a concerned look on his face.
“It’s been a long day. A busy week.”
“Yeah, but …” he begins.
“I have a really bad headache,” I announce. “I feel like I might throw up.”
“Oh, dear,” Harper says. “Why don’t I drive you home? We can keep the boys overnight if you want.”
Nothing like the threat of a little projectile vomiting to get some alone time.“I’m sure they’d love that, thank you.”
