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“When Amer comes to whisk her away, she isn’t going to be happy. I’m not going to stand in the way. I need to make sure that Vex knows what is going on, so she doesn’t try to step in and try to stop him.”
“Agreed, but I meant what I said. If Amer hurts her, Iwillkill him.”
“I would expect no less. Though I’m confident it won’t come to you killing him. If anyone is going to get hurt in this situation, it will be him. I hope he is able to break through the shell that she has created to show the world. Mara-Lee is a tough woman, and it’s going to take someone special to get through to her. If Amer loves her the way I feel he does, then he has a fighting chance.
Cedric nods in agreement, and we go back to work. I hope I’m right about him because I’m not normally wrong about people.
CHAPTERTHREE
MARA-LEE
CHRISTMAS EVE . . .
Sweat coats my goose-bumped skin. My body shakes uncontrollably as the nightmare I woke up from still wrecks my body . . . flashes from when Arwen and I were kidnapped. What they did to me, I’ll never be able to forget—it haunts my dreams right alongside the ones that I thought were long gone. A tear escapes my closed eyes, running down the side of my nose, and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. I tell myself I’m okay and roll my neck to stretch my muscles. I look over at the alarm clock, and it reads seven a.m.
Dread lingers in my body, and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmassy vibe, so I quickly get up and go to the kitchen. It’s one of my favorite places to be. It makes me feel like I’m contributing to the family . . . plus, no one else is really worth a damn at the stove. Coffee has been made, so I grab a mug from the cabinet and pour myself some. Hearing the soft murmuring voices in the other room, I put up a front quickly to keep them from seeing how much I’m not myself today.
As much as I would love nothing more than to hide in my room all day, I’m going to try to hang and prolong the inevitable. Scenes from my nightmare flash in my mind, and I can’t escape them. I want to run as far away from them as I can, but it’s hard to run away from the past.
I go to my closet and pick out clothes that make me feel good and are comfortable. The shower won’t take long to heat up. I get everything ready and turn on the water, allowing it to get warm and get in. I hope the water will wash away the mood I’m in and clear my mind. I want to be in a better mood since it’s Christmas Eve.
After twenty minutes, my mood still hasn’t improved, and I just want to run as far away as I can so I’m not a burden to anyone. It’s as if a sense of fear lingers over me, and I don’t understand it. The lack of restful sleep is playing with my head, and I talk myself into getting back into bed after I get dressed.
I get into bed and pull the covers up around me, and I pray before I close my eyes to let the visions go away so I can rest. As I release a deep breath, I feel myself sinking into the bed, and peacefulness overtakes me.
A noise in the kitchen awakens me, and I know it’s time for me to interact with someone, or they will figure out that something is wrong. I put my front into place so no one sees how I’m not okay, how I’m not myself. They don’t need to carry the burden of this fuckedupidness I lived through.
“Morning, Mara-Lee,” Finley says as she pours her coffee.
“Morning.” I give her a smile, catching the knowing look in her gaze. When it comes to Finley, you can’t hide much from her, no matter how much you try. I hesitate and fumble to get the milk from the fridge.
“I hope we didn’t wake you up. The baby is in love with the lights and the tree.” She smiles.
“No, not at all. I was already awake and ready for the day.”
“I’m cooking breakfast. Do you want some? I’m making pancakes and eggs.”
“No, thank you, not if you’re cooking.” I joke. “Why don’t I cook them? We don’t want the Fort to burn down.”
“Ha, ha, ha, you think you’re funny,” Finley says, rolling her eyes. “Fine, we’ll order from the diner down the road. That way, no one has to cook.”
“That works for me.” I didn’t want to cook breakfast, at least not yet. I intended later on to fix the cookies, which I’ve already got ready for me to put on sheets in the fridge. But also, I’m not in the mood today, and I’m trying to pretend I am.
God, I wish I weren’t, though. The nightmares have me shook to my very core, and I can’t let them go. Finley has already gone into the other room, probably getting on the phone to order food for everyone. Knowing my time is limited, I duck into my bedroom before she comes back into the kitchen.
The feeling I have for not being around them makes me even more emotional, especially since it’s Finley and Vex’s baby’s first Christmas, but I don’t want to bring them down. This is a time for them to be happy and not ruined because I can’t pull myself from what happened to me.
I lie back down and curl up in the middle of my bed after I grab the phone off the nightstand. I read through the messages I’ve received from everyone wishing me a Merry Christmas, hoping that I’m doing okay . . .
Unable to sleep, I decide it’s time to stop hiding in my room. It’s Christmas Eve and everyone here is my family. I don’t want to ruin it. Especially for what Cedric has in store. He went all out with decorations this year . . . wanting to make it memorable for Arwen. God, the irony of how things turn out, but I’m truly happy for the both of them. They deserve all the happiness in the world.
* * *
Joining the festivities was definitely a good idea. For hours now, we’ve sat around watching Christmas movies. Cedric suggested we get hot cocoa. The guy has a sweet tooth unlike anything, though, he’ll deny it anytime it’s brought up.
Settling in for another movie and cocoa in hand and the fireplace roaring fire, I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of someone banging on the front door.
“What the hell?” I snap, furrowing my brow, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. Who would be here, banging on the door like that.
