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“Are you sure you don’t want me to go to town too?” Rhys asked.
“I’d rather have you here in case the guy comes back or we discover he’s not working alone.”
“I might not be the most discreet when asking questions, but I damn well know how to fight,” Rogue said. “So if you’re looking for help defending the place, I’m going to stand by you.”
I heard the pain in his voice. I hadn’t meant to hurt him. It was going to take a while before we were easy around each other again.
“Just because I know you have limitations doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. I’d put my life on the line for you, and I know you’d do the same thing for me. I want you behind me for any fight I’m in, no matter how big or small.”
“Do you think this is going to blow up on us?” Rhys asked.
“Until we know who the guy Colton saw is and who he’s working for, I can’t say. Colton didn’t recognize him at all?”
“He said he looked vaguely familiar but nothing specific.”
“That could just be because he’s already seen him in town.”
We theorized for several minutes about who would be the most likely to have discovered our safehouse. Was it one of the few remaining members of the Carlotti family or a minion of TJ’s cousin who seemed to be making a bid to take over his position in the family? Or was it Trey or one of the other Russos? Whoever it was, we needed to be prepared to defend ourselves.
When we settled on a plan to investigate while stepping up our security, Rhys and Rogue headed to the barn to do the evening chores, and I went back to the kitchen.
Jacob was no longer there. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t disappointed. I was better off alone. I was in a foul mood—mad at myself for having taken this job, concerned for the safety of everyone I’d pulled into this project, and longing like hell to go to Jacob’s room, throw him down on the bed, and fuck him as hard as I had the other night.
But the danger we were in made me even more certain I needed to stay away from him. I had to focus on the safety of my family. I’d brought my brothers here, confident I could run the place and deal with any threats. Now that we were facing an unknown enemy, uncertainty swirled in my gut, making me feel sick. I’d done everything I could to keep my battalion safe and had even ended my career because I refused to leave any of them behind, but Blade had still come out scared inside and out, and Tony had never come home at all.
I’d intended to get another piece of lasagna, but now I didn’t think I could eat. At least it would be there for lunch. I’d make damn sure my brothers didn’t eat it all.
I turned off the kitchen light and headed to my room. Maybe I’d feel better if I took a shower. After I’d scrubbed myself clean, I pulled on a pair of cut-off sweats and looked longingly at my bed. I was exhausted, but it was too early to turn in when I had so many things to take care of.
I grabbed my laptop from my office and sat in the chair by my bedroom window, going through files and spreadsheets and answering a shitload of emails.
By the time I’d finished, I was barely awake, but as soon as I slid between the covers, all I could think of was Jacob. He was in the next fucking room. I was sure Rhys had done that on purpose, though why he would want us to pair up I had no idea. He had to know how much trouble that would cause.
It was going to be pure hell trying to live through this summer with Jacob right there in the house. Rhys thought my hands-off policy was crazy, but he’d never had to be the one in charge. He’d never known how much effort and energy it took to keep the three of us alive, housed, and fed. Sure, money wasn’t an issue now, not as long as X was paying my salary, but if I let somebody get killed or captured, that would be over. A lot of people were depending on me.
Jacob needed protection. I already found him so fucking distracting I wasn’t sure I could focus on the ranch the way I needed to. How much worse would my distraction be if I let myself get more entangled with him? Right now, I could say it was just a hookup like any other and pretend I’d felt nothing for him besides pleasure. If I brought him to my room and kept him there night after night the way I wanted to, I was going to have to admit there were much stronger feelings involved than lust.
I’d end up hurting us both because there was no way in hell I could make room in my life for him permanently. Not when I’d just taken on running the ranch. It was going to be just as demanding as the marines. People were depending on me, and I didn’t have time for a relationship.
Even a short while ago, I would’ve said I didn’t want to be bound to a single person, but now I couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to be with Jacob every night, to sleep in the same bed with him, to wake him up by sucking him off until he was begging for more.
My hand was around my dick before I even realized it. Just thinking about Jacob was enough to make me instantly hard.
I shouldn’t do this. It was only going to make me want him more. But how could I resist? My memories of him were so vivid, so visceral. It was like he was really there with me. I dreamed of uncovering all the passion burning beneath his innocent exterior. I needed to feel the way he surrendered when I took charge. If I told him to climb up on my bed, lie back, and give me his mouth, he would do it. I was certain of that.
I moved my hand slowly up and down and let myself imagine his sweet lips moving over my shaft, the heat of his mouth encompassing me, the deliciousness of his throat clenching around me as he sucked and licked. I could choke him, shove my dick all the way into his mouth, and I knew he’d still do everything in his power to please me.
Fuck, I was already so close. I worked my hand faster. I felt like I hadn’t come in forever. I was desperate for his sweet ass, his gorgeous body writhing under me, the sounds he made, the way he trusted me even when I’d felt his fear.
I reached a hand between my legs and tugged on my balls, and pleasure shot through me, so intense it made me groan. Jacob was so close. I could go get him.
No. I told him that wasn’t why he was there. I was forcing him to stay for his own good, not so he could—
He wants you as much as you want him, you know he does.
I wasn’t going to hurt him. I knew our time together hadn’t just been any old hookup for him. He felt more than he should for a man like me. I wasn’t going to make things worse for him. I would have to settle for my hand and nothing else.
It was going to be one hell of a summer.
