Page 4 of Finding the Rogue


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My mind was in complete turmoil. I glanced up at the bed and to the doctor’s movements over my father’s now-cold body. He was gone. I inhaled a sharp breath, and in my pause from my heart-wrenching pain, a moment of clarity touched my thoughts.

Father’s words suddenly returned to me, and I wondered why it had been so important while lying on his deathbed to bring up a name I’d never heard uttered before.

I pulled myself together as best I could, rising on unsteady legs, and went to my distraught mother.

“Mother, please, let us leave and speak somewhere in private.” There were too many people in the room. Not that outside Father’s chamber would be much better.

She wiped the tears from her face, kissed my forehead, and the two of us approached the double doors. Mother turned, and the doctor gave her a small nod from the bed, then continued his examination.

Mother squeezed my hand and whispered, “Faces on, my dear.”

My body tightened as we opened the doors. The guests were congregated too close— disrespectfully close. A sudden hush ran like a wave over the crowd, and I stared at their expectant faces. As I gazed about, murmurs began to creep throughout the space once more, and my pounding heart rang an almost deafening sound in my ears. My breathing picked up. No one moved out of our way, instead, they drew closer.

I held onto Mother’s hand, feeling as though I’d somehow left one nightmare behind us in the chamber, only to enter a fresh sort of hell out here. People questioned us about the duke. Called out our names. As though they were damned important and deserved an answer at this very moment—while we were grieving. My mother’s palm began to sweat against my own, and the trap that the guests had laid out before us, hindering our retreat, had become overwhelming.

A shout rang out, garnering the attention of the crowd. I couldn’t even hear what the new commotion was about, but through the gathering, one person stood out, bringing hope and comfort. Jackson.

He was causing enough of a stir to remove attention from my mother and I, allowing sufficient time for an escape. She yanked at my hand and pulled me away from the spectators.

We scurried through the corridor, down the staircase, and entered the library where we would have the most privacy. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as the quiet surrounded us. The heavy oak doors were enough to keep the voices of the guests blocked from earshot.

We sat on the settee, breathing heavily, and my mother choked down a few sobs that escaped in a way I knew she was desperately trying to hide. My chest constricted, tightening under the weight of what was to come. I swallowed the disgusting bile as it rose to my throat. Too much was happening too quickly.

And the nagging feeling that something was just beginning made things that much worse.

“Mother.” I watched as she spent a few moments avoiding my gaze with her own flitting around the room. She dabbed at the corner of her eye before raising her attention to me. I needed to know what my father had been talking about. I was acutely aware by the expression on my mother’s face that she, too, knew of what he’d been speaking of.

“What…” I hesitated and took a measured breath to gather my thoughts. “Who is Silverthorne? And why on earth would Father waste his final precious moments to ensure I heard that name? Did you know about this?” As I sat before the unlit fireplace, my mind began whirling with thoughts and scenarios of the unknown.

My mother’s eyes glistened, and she nodded slowly as though she were convincing herself, or perhaps preparing for something.

“Yes, Ainsley.” She dried her tear-stained face. “There is so much you do not know. Nothing was done to harm you. Your father and I have not been able to discuss things with you due to certain delicate matters. Nevertheless, you must heed your father’s words: find the rogue, Silverthorne. There, and with him, your true destiny awaits. We did not want this life for you.” The duchess shook her head. “We thought if we brought you up in proper society, as was your right as our daughter, you would remain safe. Now, I’m not quite so sure. I...I cannot live without him, but he’d need me to be strong. I must compose myself.” She closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled a shuddering breath. “With your father’s untimely death, it would seem that your safety here may now come into question.”

“Mother, you’re not making sense. What do you mean by ‘my destiny awaits’? The ball? It was supposed to be my introduction into society as preparation for marriage, and now you’re calling it off—for good?” I was utterly baffled. I’d been groomed for this—not that I wanted it—since my eighteenth birthday, yet I had put it off until now. I was twenty-one. And I was no longer safe? I had no earthly idea what she was going on about.

“Yes, dear, for your safety. The ball has been called off indefinitely—all those in attendance will be sent home. Another shall not be scheduled in the foreseeable future.” She inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. “I hate to tell you this, but…your father, he”—She choked on a sob—“something dreadful happened to him today—something I will get to the bottom of. And this is how I know, dearest Ainsley, that the time is now. Please, do not argue.” She cupped my cheek. “Your beloved books and adventures you crave? After your father is laid to rest, you shall begin your journey.”

I stared at her, open-mouthed, and in shock. “But Mother?”

“No, Ainsley. Our lives are about to change.” She searched my gaze. “I have no idea what it will entail just yet, but they will, indeed, change. You must seek out that which destiny calls.”

As I was about to open my mouth and respond, Jackson stormed into the library, his face pale. “Ainsley, are you all right?” He bowed before the duchess. “Sorry to intrude, my Lady.”

Mother stood abruptly. “Jackson, dear, allow Ainsley to fill you in. I must prepare”—She lifted her hand to her mouth as tears began to fall once more—“arrangements for the death of Duke Langford. Excuse me.” She hurried out of the room, yet I could hear her sobs echoing down the corridor.

I hung my head and wrung my hands together as Jackson sat upon the seat my mother had just vacated. “Ainsley, I…I didn’t know. I…the crowd wouldn’t allow me to pass.” He ran his hands down his trousers. “When I saw your face, I just raised a bit of hell to get people out of the way. I hope I didn’t make things worse.”

I lifted my gaze to his, cutting him off. “It was perfect. You saved the day.” The smile gracing my lips was brief, and being near my dear friend, brought the weight of Father’s death crashing down once again. “It was only Mother and I,” I whispered. “He… he died rather quickly. I only had a few minutes with him.”

“Do you mind?” Jackson raised his brow in question and lifted his arm to wrap around my shoulder.

I shook my head. “No, I need a hug from a friend. I’m so…broken, and now, there is even more ahead that I don’t understand. There’s a strange man I’m supposed to find. My father told me before he died. Mother gave me a cryptic response. As if his death weren’t enough—oh, what is my life now, Jackson? It seems I will be getting the ‘adventure’ I wanted after all.” I buried my head and cried into his shoulder as he rubbed my back.

“I do hope that you’ll consider me in this adventure of yours.”

My response was muted tears.

I no longer knew what I wanted, but one thing was certain: I would do as Father asked of me. However, I’d recall every precious moment of our time together. What he’d taught me, the unconditional love he had always bestowed upon me, and most of all, I’d hold him in my heart while discovering what destiny had in store for me.

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