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I swallowed, not finding my voice to answer beyond that.
“I’m worried about you,” he said. He rubbed his thumb back and forth on my leg and leaned close. “What’s going on, Cora? What’s got you so exhausted?”
Growing up in the system, I was used to being tired. But I never let it catch up to me. I couldn’t. Because stopping, letting yourself think too much about what was happening and the emotions tied to it could drown you. And I didn’t have time for that.
I was used to stuffing things down. Used to pushing and continuing to move forward even when things felt heavy. But here in Faerie, things had started changing. Comfort brought about ways for emotions to trickle in, to grow. Friendships, loyalty, love, hope—those things were the new driving force behind living. And those things were still new.
I felt betrayed by Noah. That he could look at me so lovingly and that we could have something that sparked between us, and he would just go and be with Vanessa. Vanessa, who treated everyone she met with disdain. Now that she was here, I hadn’t just lost Noah’s constant friendship, but she risked my place with the king as well. How long could someone fight with their wife and queen over a human feeder, no matter how much like a daughter I was becoming to him?
All I wanted to do was to prove that I belonged. That I was worthy of this place that allowed me to feel like I had a home. I had tried to uncover the spy and the problems with the guards during the glamour, and now I was desperate to uncover Vanessa’s treachery. Because at the end of the day, anything that impacted the royal family impacted me. Not just me but my home. The people I loved.
But would my love ever be enough to truly belong? It didn’t seem like it would be with the queen. And at the first test, it didn’t seem to be enough for Noah either. All for a fae who didn’t even truly care about Noah or the queen, or what was best for the Unseelie.
My eyes welled up with tears. Crying was completely inconvenient, and I was growing tired of it quickly, but it seemed to be the only way my overflow of emotions was coming out.
Noah looked grief stricken. His eyes searched my face for some kind of answer I wasn’t telling him. He brought his hand up to my cheek, which only made it worse. “Cora, please. What’s going on?”
He took my hand in his, moving closer to me on the bed. “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”
I wanted to tell him everything, but I had no evidence. And without that I worried that his love for Vanessa would blind him to the truth. I was sure it would blind the queen, and with the tension I’d already created between her and the king, I couldn’t go to him either. Instead, I pulled my hand away from the comfort of Noah’s.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I whispered.
He leaned back, face reddening like I’d just slapped him. I lowered my head and couldn’t even look at him. Couldn’t bear to.
“I’ll let you rest. Don’t worry about anything tonight. Just—" He rose and moved awkwardly above me before kissing the top of my head. “Just rest.”
He left my room without looking back, not even once.
And I lay there, letting the floodgates open and the tears wash over me as I wondered if our friendship would be strong enough to survive this divide.
