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Noah actually smiled at the sentiment. “I don’t think they’ve ever heard anyone argue with me like that. Save for the queen. And maybe Aron if my head isn’t in training. But still, not in the way you did.”
“I’m sorry.” His smile didn’t bring me comfort, though something inside of me told me that was what he was trying to do.
“What are you sorry for, Cora?”
I blinked, staring at the fae before me as my heart clenched and withdrew into my chest like it was terrified I’d open it even the smallest bit to him. Noah shifted, sitting up but not taking his eyes off of me. Was he searching for an apology about how I’d treated Vanessa or something else?
“I’m your feeder. And while I thought of myself as your friend too, that doesn’t mean my place in the Unseelie kingdom changes. You’re the prince, and you’ll be taking over to rule your people one day, while I try not to get banished.” My voice was giving out on me, so I tried to laugh at my poor joke, since there was actually quite a bit of truth to it. “Your heart is not my business, and it is not my place to question your judgement. Whatever transgressions Vanessa has done against the staff, and against me, aren’t your problem. And to take it out on you or think that it was my right to reprimand you in front of others was crossing the line, and—"
“Stop,” Noah said. “Please, Cora. Stop.”
He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. The distance that had been growing between us, that unnamed void that I hated, was shrinking. And with it, my walls. Noah simply offered me an honest conversation and somehow my mind was letting me relax and be open with him again? I hated it.
I sat tentatively, ready to bolt up and yell at him again.
“When I said it was your fault things were different, I wasn’t being honest. I know it was me. I pulled away completely when Vanessa arrived. I couldn’t be around you as much, Cora. Even this mission, I’m on edge, I’m worried about you being here, and it’s making my temper much greater than it’s ever been before. Truly, it’s me who should apologize at the end of the day. It’s just a lot going on, a lot of pressures and lot of politics, and I want to shield you from that, but in the process, I’ve hurt you more.”
“Hey,” I said, bumping into his shoulder. “I’m a tough, badass foster kid, or hadn’t you heard? Things don’t get to me. I’m a survivor first and foremost, and if someone apologizes, we’re good in my book.”
Noah chuckled. We were sitting close on the bed, our legs touching. I stared down at the contact. In the silence, I could hear the walls inside of me crack and fracture. I needed to be mad at him. I needed to hate that he was with Vanessa. But after what he just said…why was he with Vanessa?
I didn’t bother stopping the nervousness that came out in my voice as I pressed him. “Noah, what is it that you see in Vanessa?”
He stared straight ahead. At the door that led to our room. Not moving. “I see fulfilling my duties as the crown prince. Honoring the queen’s wishes by making her happy after she’s done so much for the Unseelie.”
“But what about you? Is this what will make you happy?” My question was whispered. Barely confident enough to push it out.
Noah turned toward me, staring at me as he brought his hand slowly up to my cheek. I didn’t move. Didn’t even breathe. For fear that it’d break this trance.
His palm touched my face and I leaned slightly into it as his thumb ran over my lips. He leaned in closer, sliding his hand behind my neck and bringing me to him.
I was melting, falling, fading. I couldn’t go through this again.
I hesitated and that hesitation stopped Noah, and he leaned his forehead to mine instead. “I have to be,” he whispered.
He rose, leaving me on the bed. “I’m going to check quickly with Ryzel so I know if they’ve squared their shifts away. Rest, we’re going to check out the border in the morning, see what we can find.”
He slipped away, like he always did when things got too sexually charged with us.
Only this time, he’d admitted more than he had ever admitted before. I wondered what had come over him to open up like that. And if his admissions meant he wasn’t in love with Vanessa, or if maybe he was just conflicted.
I lay down exactly where Noah had been sitting, breathing heavily as I ran through the conversation again. The looks, his touch. Could he have feelings for me? Would he see through Vanessa?
It was stupid to hope anything. I knew his mother wouldn’t approve. And even if she did, he was already engaged to Vanessa. What would breaking off the engagement to a duchess do to the kingdom? To his reputation? That was before even factoring in the rumors spreading outside the castle about his potential feelings for me. If those existed.
But didn’t they? Why else were these random moments so intense with him?
I heard Noah come down the hall and enter the room, quietly climbing into bed next to me. His back was to mine, and I breathed deeper than normal to try to convince him I was asleep. Whether he believed me or not, he didn’t say anything.
Though soon, his breaths became even, and a gentle rumble in his chest created a sleeping symphony in the room. I was alone again with my thoughts. Thoughts that just ran me in circles with no way to answer and settle them.
A creak in the hallway startled me until I remembered the other warriors were taking shifts. I wondered if they’d found anything of significance. Or figured out why the tents from earlier were empty, abandoned, or what was going on.
The creaking got closer; Vara must be up next since her room was closest to us. I took a deep breath, wondering if sleep would ever come relieve my tired body.
Maybe the occasional sounds of floorboards in the night and Noah’s deep breaths would create a lullaby that would give me some relief.
I stared through the darkness of the room.
Wait, did the door handle move?
I didn’t hear a thing except Noah now. Staring hard at the door, I knew the handle definitely was moving. I lifted my head, warnings blaring in my ears internally.
The door opened, somehow without its creaky typical noise, and the moonlight from the window glistened off the tip of a dagger.
The glistening blade etched with a symbol.
The Seelie symbol.
