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The rest of the ball was a form of acute torture. Thea danced nearly every set after I left her side, and I passed the night by doing the very same thing, though I quickly found I made a somewhat disagreeable partner. None of the attempts by my dancing partners to bring me into a pleasant mood were rewarded with anything above a bland smile, and I walked more than one disappointed debutante back to her waiting mother.
Now that the drapes had been lifted from my ignorance and my excessive flirting was made known to me, it was clear to see that I was, in fact, half of the problem. This evening I had stepped away from more than one lingering hand on my arm, forcing them to drop their holds. I did not deliver a single compliment I did not feel with my whole soul, and the women appeared to understand the message I was attempting to portray. My behavior bordered politeness, remaining firmly in the realm of friendly but uninterested. It was not hard to do. The only woman in the room who had my interest was Thea.
Thea, on the other hand, was a smashing success, as expected. She twirled from one man to the next—never, I was pleased to notice, on Keene’s or Hampton’s arms—and radiantly lit up the ballroom wherever she went.
I had talked myself out of slipping from the room on more than one occasion, for I could not prove I would honor Thea’s wishes if I was not there, could I?
Her laughter floated up over the group currently standing between us and lodged itself in my heart. She was a beacon, and I was a wayward ship. I only wanted to glide toward her. I moved to the refreshment table so I could see who she was speaking to and lifted a glass of something oddly colored, drinking it with little regard to what it tasted like.
Thea stood between two gentlemen, her dazzling smile displayed for both of them, while Felicity and James waited nearby. She looked up and found me watching her, her smile faltering momentarily. I lifted my glass slightly in a minor salute and tilted my head just a bit, but she received my message. Her mouth was flat, her eyes glued to me, and I wondered . . . no, Ihopedshe was altering her staunch opinion on the state of our relationship.
She turned toward Felicity and said something, and the next thing I knew, both women were slipping away from the gentlemen and coming toward the refreshment table.
Felicity looked up at me and smiled. “You have been busy this evening, Ben. I do not think I’ve seen you sit out a single dance.”
“Put away your matchmaking ideas, please,” I said with great boredom. “I have no designs on any of these young women.”
“None of them?” Thea asked with wide, doll-like eyes. “Not a single woman in this room piques your interest?”
I held her gaze. “I do not desire a woman who does not desire me in equal measure, so at present I would have to say no.”
She went still, but I was finished with these games. It hurt to watch Thea act with such little regard for my heart, and I was weary of the sport. A man could only fight so much or try for so long before he ran out of the desire to put himself through any more pain. I lifted my gaze to my sister-in-law. “I think I will hire a cab home. I am finished for the evening.”
“It is no wonder. You’ve already danced a great deal,” she said, smiling.
I gave her a weak smile in response, then looked to Thea. “I hope you enjoy yourself tonight, Miss Northcott.”
With that, I turned and stalked from the room without looking back.
Chapter31
THEA
Ihad done it now. I’d well and truly ruined any chance at happiness Benedict and I had ever had together—but I could not even allow myself to mourn a relationship I had not permitted to begin. His efforts last night to treat women with civility but not excessive attention had not gone unnoticed. He had listened to me, had tried to stem the charm that usually flooded from him.
I spent the morning roaming the house, waiting for Benedict to wake so I could apologize for my rudeness from the evening before, but he never arrived. After the entirety of the household had been awake for hours, I finally had enough waiting and paced away from the window in the drawing room. “Has Benedict gone out already this morning?”
Henry put his book down and looked at James.
James looked from Felicity to me. “He has. He went to find lodging.”
“Lodging?” I asked, unable to be certain I’d correctly understood him.
“Yes.” James cleared his throat. “He felt it would be best if he stayed in the bachelor’s quarters we typically lease when we come to Town.”
No one else spoke the words that lingered over us like an oppressing raincloud, that I was the reason for his sudden departure. I looked to Henry. “You did not wish to do the same?”
“I am comfortable here,” he said simply.
The implication that Benedict was not comfortable here was then laid at my feet. Though I was certain Henry did not mean it that way, it was the truth nonetheless.
I lowered myself onto the cushioned window seat and leaned against the wall to look down at the empty street below. This was what I had wanted, wasn’t it? For him to accept that we were not a good match and that our future was written in the stars. One only needed to look at my parents’ unhappiness and how greatly we resembled them in order to be put off by the notion of Benedict and I together. But now that he was gone, my heart missed him, my eyes ached to see him, my fingers were desperate to be on his arm.
All of me wanted to be near all of him, and I hated that I was the reason he’d left.
Felicity stood and wiped her hands down her gown. “Are you ready, Thea? We may as well get on with it.”
