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I shake out of the shock for a beat, then a small smile lifts the corners of my lips. I can’t dampen her happiness as she dampens me. She is to leave soon. She is to return home and see her family.
It must be a happy feeling.
I am short on those these days.
It’s the middle of the Quiet. The prince allowed both Terry and I to spend this time together, and I can’t deny that he’s listening to me when I complain about my gifts from him. He’s switching up his game—gone from dresses and perfumes to freeing slaves and time off from his bedchambers.
But there is no happiness blooming within me as I stand waist-deep in the warm water. I don’t mirror Terry as she ducks under the surface, spins around, then flips back up, whipping her hair down her back.
This is what I wanted. But I feel hollow.
I’m losing my best friend now. The only friend I’ve ever had.
The only one in this castle who keeps me sane.
I’m losing her—yes for the right reasons, but this sacrifice carves out my heart and I just feel empty inside.
She leaves at the break of the Warmth. I can feel it in the air already, the cool changing to something thicker that is softening the prickles on my bare arms.
I look down at the ripples in the water. Terry comes splashing back up to the surface—and throws herself at me in her excitement. Her arms fling around me and she rams her chest to mine; she holds onto me tightly. Too tightly.
My face twists instantly and I lazily return the embrace. Tears sting my eyes.
The time in the water is up too quickly. She’s barely untangled herself from me when a guard summons her out of the lake … and it’s time for her to go.
I choke out a goodbye. She smiles in answer and kisses my cheek.
Goodbye dearest friend. Only friend.
It’s not like I can change my mind about any of this. Even if I told the prince to force her to stay, I’m still unsure of my plans here—whether to flee or not.
At the Wastelands, Daein made it clear that I would never be more than his whore, even with our shared child. As his evate, yes I’m protected, but my child isn’t. Not with the iilra and Elden to worry about.
They could still find a way to destroy it.
And I can’t let that happen.
Besides, there’s more worrying me now that Terry is gone and I’m short of one problem—her slavery. I am not happy with being a lover for however I live in this part of the realm. I’m not happy with that role, of only ever wearing drab colours and golden paint on my face, and of possibly one day … seeing him marry another.
It’s not a secure offer he’s given me.
It’s not enough for me.
The thought creeps into my mind like spiders skittering through the woods—his duties. He told me that he still is bound by his duties. And one of those … could be marrying the litalf princess.
Is that what’s happening?
Has he been delaying all this time, not because he won’t marry her, but because he’s trying to negotiate my role into this marriage?
From what I’ve learned, in the dark lands, the males do not take lovers. The females do. So is he trying to turn the tables on the marriage, so that he can fulfil his duty to wed her all while keeping me and his bastard child?
The threat of that possibility punches an icy fist through my chest, stealing my breath. It freezes me in the warming water and I stare ahead at the shadows of the willow tree where the iilra and I met.
I have to ask him. I have to confront him.
I must know his plans so that I can secure my own.
The Hall is blazing with light from the hearth.
