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She had to be sure he wanted her for herself, not because she reminded him of his dead wife or because JJ gave him back the chance to be a dad when his own son had been so cruelly taken from him. They both deserved more than that. If Nolan could be honest with her, she knew she’d have no further hesitation in giving herself to him with everything she had. Having him in her and JJ’s life was a glowing beacon of what their future could be like. Which made the prospect of turning away from it, from Nolan, terrifying in its enormity.
Fifteen
After Raina caught JJ yawning more than once, she hustled the little guy off to bed but he insisted on both Nolan and her tucking him in. It brought tears to her eyes when JJ’s little arms wrapped around Nolan’s neck and he hugged him tight before snuggling under the covers.
“Sweet dreams, champ,” Nolan said gently as he disentangled JJ’s arms.
“Love you, No’an” came JJ’s sleepy reply.
Raina saw the look of shock on Nolan’s face at JJ’s words and watched as he smoothed JJ’s hair off his forehead and pressed a kiss there.
As she followed Nolan out of the room and down the hall, her mind was in turmoil. It was already too late to protect JJ from heartache if she shut Nolan out of their lives. And did she even want to do that?
“I’ve got something for JJ in the car. Do you mind if I put it under the tree for him for tomorrow?” Nolan asked when they got to the living room.
“Oh, that’s kind of you,” she answered. “No, I don’t mind at all. He’ll be thrilled. But won’t you be able to give it to him tomorrow yourself?”
“I’ll be with my parents first thing, and after that I’m flying back to LA. There are some things I need to sort out.”
Raina couldn’t hold back the sound of dismay that escaped her. “Oh, I’d hoped...”
“I will return, Raina. I promise you that,” he hastened to reassure her. “I’m taking the time now to pack up my apartment and settle a few matters before I move back here permanently. I’ll be back for New Year’s Eve.”
She forced herself to smile. “I guess I’ll have to be satisfied with that then.”
He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “I’ll go get JJ’s gift.”
As Nolan went out to the car, Raina quickly retrieved JJ’s gifts from where she’d hidden them in her room and put them under the tree. Once that was done, she sank down onto the sofa. She’d thought that life might get easier as she got older but it seemed that the complications only came in different forms. She had so much to consider. Did she, like JJ, love Nolan, too? The answer came back to her with resounding clarity. Yes, she did. Either way she turned it, it was clear to her that both she and her son had lost their hearts to the man who’d come into their lives so unexpectedly.
She heard Nolan come back into the house and stood as he entered the living room, an enormous wrapped parcel in his arms.
“Wow, that’s huge. I hope you haven’t gone to too much trouble,” she said as she eyed the massive gift.
“No trouble at all. The first Christmas that I can remember, I was about JJ’s age and got one of these. I always wanted to do the same for my—”
Raina frowned as his voice broke off. “For your...?” she prompted. Maybe this would give him the opening to tell her everything.
“For another three-year-old,” Nolan said on a rush of words. “It’s a Spider-Man bike, with training wheels. It might still be a bit big for him but the seat and handle bars are adjustable and JJ’s tall for his age. Anyway, I hope he likes it.”
“He’ll love it, but, Nolan, it’s too much.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Where kids are concerned, it’s never too much.”
There was now a bleak note to his voice that Raina couldn’t miss. She realized the holidays must be so hard for him and stepped forward to comfort him without giving it a second thought. Her arms slid around Nolan’s waist and she reached up to kiss him gently on the lips.
“Thank you,” she said simply. She studied him carefully, her eyes roaming his serious face with his beautiful brown eyes and straight blade of a nose. And those lips. She wanted to taste those lips again. She wanted...oh, she wanted so much more than that. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
Nolan’s face grew even more serious than before. “Raina, I—” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea just now.”
