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Raina almost missed the small parcel and envelope that had been placed at the tree’s base. In fact it was already in her hand with the fistful of discarded paper when she felt it. After sorting through the paper and putting it in the trash bag, she sat down and looked at the items in her hand. Her pulse raced as she examined the small wrapped cube and the simple white envelope that accompanied it. Her name was written in bold black script across the front of the envelope and she traced the letters with a fingertip.
It wasn’t her father’s handwriting, which left only one other person who could have left it there—Nolan. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach, their tiny wings brushing against her nerves and making her hands tremble. What was this? Despite his words last night, could it be a farewell perhaps, or something else? There was only one way to find out but suddenly Raina found the prospect of reading whatever he had written more daunting than anything she’d ever done before.
Eventually she dragged in a deep breath and slid her finger under the flap of the envelope, tearing it open with a jagged edge. There was a single slip of paper inside, which she took out and unfolded.
Dear Raina,
I know we’ve only known one another a very short time, but believe me when I say that I’m very serious about wanting you in my life. I guess by now you’ve realized that I have something very special to ask you. I wanted to ask you last night, but I know you probably need more time to think about this and to be sure, so I’m giving you this next week—unencumbered by my presence—to consider what we mean to one another and particularly what I mean to you.
For my part, I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without you by my side. I’ve learned, the hard way, that the special things in life can be torn from you at a moment’s notice and that we need to reach out and grasp those gifts when we can—to cherish them and hold them dear to us, the way I want to cherish and hold you.
I only hope that you want the same as I do and that you’ll let me be there with you and JJ, loving and supporting you both for as long as you’ll let me. Nothing would give me greater pride or pleasure.
I’ll be home on New Year’s Eve and I’d be honored if you’d accompany me to the Texas Cattleman’s Club function that night. You can give me your answer then. In the meantime, I would like you to open my Christmas gift to you and know that it comes from my heart and with my very best intentions.
All my love,
Nolan
Raina’s fingers were wrapped tight around the small box in her hand, so tight that her knuckles whitened and her palms began to ache from the imprint of the edges of the box. Did he mean to ask her to marry him? Black spots began to swim in front of Raina’s eyes and she realized she was holding her breath. She forced herself to breathe in and out, and again, until the spots receded.
Panic clawed at her throat. She’d thought she was ready for this but she so wasn’t. They’d met less than four weeks ago. How could he be so certain she was what he wanted? How could she when she knew he still hadn’t told her about the sadness of his past? There was still so much unsaid between them. The details of her past, of his. But did any of that matter when they loved each other?
Droplets of water dripped onto the sheet of paper in her hand and Raina realized she was weeping. The words on the paper blurred and she quickly refolded the sheet and shoved it back in the envelope. All the while, her heart urged her to take a risk on love again and her mind shrieked its horror in the background.
She’d taken risks on love before and she still bore the emotional scars from that. How on earth could she even contemplate marriage, if that was indeed what Nolan was suggesting, based on her track record with men? Hadn’t it been a crazy, hormone-driven attraction that had seen her hook-up with Jeb in the first place? She’d been twenty-six, going on twenty-seven. Hardly a child by any means. She should have known better then—and she certainly knew better now.
Sure, deep down, she knew that Nolan was different from Jeb and the others she’d dated before him. But there was still that niggling sense of not knowing exactly where she stood with Nolan.
JJ would be thrilled at the chance to call Nolan Daddy. She knew that. But she had to be careful. She’d fought Jeb and beaten a tornado to give JJ a stable and secure home, a safe and happy childhood. She couldn’t risk throwing that all away. Not now.
A voice in the back of her head reminded her that Nolan had acknowledged his initial deceit, that he’d apologized and done his best to make it up to her. That he’d even resigned from his job over it. Surely those were not the actions of a man who would stomp all over her heart and then walk away. He said he was back in Royal for good now. And she knew he meant it.
