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“No, silly. You’re my best friend.”
“Even more than Archer?”
“Well, yeah. It’s just that when we go shopping alone, I always have to use the girls’ restroom like a baby. It’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, geez,” I laugh.
“I’m just saying, Mommy. I’m going to be in the first grade. I’m growing up.”
It’s all I can do to not laugh because he looks so earnest. “You’re right,” I answer solemnly. “We’ll figure something out. ‘Night, pumpkin. Love you.”
“Night, Mommy,” he says mid-yawn as I switch off his bedside light and flip on the nightlight that casts stars all over his room. When I turn to walk out of the room, I notice Jake standing there in the shadows.
So much for staying where I put him…
CHAPTER 9
Jake
I walk back to the living room the minute Katie sees me. I can tell she’s not happy. I shouldn’t have watched.
I’m not thinking that because of Katie either. It’s because my chest is burning from the inside out. Watching her with Lennon, listening to them, hearing how Katie explained why people get married…fuck.It all burns. Every fucking last bit of it. Although, none of it is worse than Lennon’s innocent voice saying I was nicerthistime.
God, I’m such a fucking moron. I blamed and resented a child for something that wasn’t even his fault.I blamed my child because I thought he wasn’t mine.How in the hell am I supposed to fix any of this? Is there any way to? Right now, it feels hopeless.
“Jake, I—”
I turn as I hear Katie’s voice and I don’t give her a chance to finish.
“Let me come with the two of you tomorrow, Katie.”
I can see her face lose color, and I don’t miss the tremble that quakes through her body. She’s afraid of me. I can’t say she doesn’t have a reason to be. My head is too fucking messed up.What I do know is that I can’t let my anger lead me in this. I want to be a part of Lennon’s life.
“Jake,” she sighs, and I can already tell that she’s going to say no. Again, I press forward—not giving her the chance to deny me.This is too important.
“I’m not above begging. I want to be a part of Lennon’s life. There’s so much I missed, and I know I was an asshole who said I didn’t want kids, but the thing is…”
“Jake—”
“The thing is, I have a kid. He’s mine, and I want time to get to know him. I want time for him to get to know me. Please, Katie. Let me go with you tomorrow.”
It burns that I have to plead for time with my son—a son that was hidden from me. I’m trying to listen to what Mom said. I’m trying damn hard because I don’t want to hurt Lennon, and he loves his mother. I’m mad at Katie, but the truth is, I don’t want her to hurt anymore either. I just want to move forward.
“I don’t want our son to feel the anger between us, Jake. It’s just...”
“Katie—”
“Honestly, I don’t think I can handle being exposed to it right now. I’m hanging on by a thread here. I just don’t see how this is supposed to work. I think it would be better if we can just continue with you visiting Lennon at your mother’s until we’re sure Lennon can handle the truth.”
“Katie, I’m not going to wait forever for my son to know who I am. The two of us have already lost way too much time, and it’s time that I will never get back with him.”
“Damn it, Jake, you act like this is all my fault when—”
I hold out my hand to stop her response. “I’m not saying that to start a fight or to be a bastard. I’m not saying that I’m not blameless. I am. I’m just saying it because it’s true. I don’t want to waste even more time.”
“I’m not asking you to wait forever. I wouldn’t do that. I just think Lennon needs more time to get to know you before we spring it on him. He’s just a baby, Jake.”
“I realize that, but how is he supposed to get time with me if you don’t let me take part in things?”
