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I’m mad. I don’t know if I have a right, but that anger is directed at her. The majority of it belongs to my brother, but there’s plenty enough to spread around. It doesn’t help that my fucking brother is ignoring my calls and voice mails. Of course, in his place, I probably would to, especially if I was a sniveling coward.
I get back to work, not bothering to turn my back to look at Katie. I can still feel her though. She hasn’t moved, not even after I clearly dismissed her.
“Jesus. I knew this was going to be a mistake. Is this how you get your rocks off, Jake? Do you enjoy ripping my world apart?Is there something in you that decided that was how you’d spend your life getting shits and giggles?”
I shovel harder, letting out a cold bitter laugh, which is short and barely more than a breath, but even I can feel the increased anger rolling off her. She has no idea the amount of anger I’m carrying. If she did, she would run from me.
“Fine. You want to be an asshole your whole life, Jake Ryan, that’s your prerogative. Have at it.”
“Glad I have your permission,” I snort.
“Lennon has been asking where you are. If you can get your head out of your ass long enough to give him the time of day today, that’d be swell.”
“Katie—”
“But if all you’re going to do is disappear on him, then stay the hell away. The last thing Lennon needs is for you to get his hopes up and then disappear.”
“I’m not going to fucking disappear on my son!” I growl, throwing my shovel down and turning around to face her.
“You don’t have a son. I was insane to believe you had changed. You haven’t changed. If you truly wanted to be there for Lennon, you would have stepped up to the plate four years ago!” She spins around. I should let her go—I really should. Instead, I reach out and grab her wrist and force her to turn and look at me.
“Lennon is my son. He doesn’t belong to my brother, he’s mine, Katie.”
“Jake—”
“He belongs to me, no matter how much you wish things were different and I’m not giving him up.”
“Then start showing up. You haven’t called him. You haven’t come over to check on him and he’s hurting. That’s not fair. He’s just a little kid, Jake. You’re supposed to be the adult here. Itwould have been better if you continued to leave him alone than to hurt him now.”
“Will you quit saying that? I didn’t walk away from Lennon four years ago and I’m not about to now.”
“God, how stupid do you think I am? Will you just stop? You can’t rewrite the past, even if you want to. It’s time you man up.”
I pin her in with my body and back her up against the stall. “You think you have it all figured out in that pretty little head of yours, don’t you, Katie?” I ask, my voice cold and quiet as I place my hand at her neck, making her look directly at me. Her eyes go wide with shock. Before coming back, I’ve never held her like this. I had never been rough with her at all. Now, it seems to be the only way I can touch her. I don’t have it in me to be gentle now.
“Jake,” she gasps.
“I didn’t walk away from Lennon four years ago. I didn’t know about him. If I had, I would have been here!” I growl.
“Yeah, right. Tell me another one. Are you seriously trying to tell me that Jeff didn’t tell you about Lennon?”
“I’m not trying to tell you that, I am just plain saying it. He didn’t tell me shit until just before your wedding.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s the truth,” I insist.
“Stop trying to convince me that Jeff didn’t tell you about Lennon. I won’t believe you.”
“Because Jeff wouldn’t lie to you, right? My big brother is a saint, right? It’s only me you don’t have faith in.” God, I sound bitter, but that’s the way I feel. I feel like every single person I loved here in Macon chose my brother over me.
How the hell do I deal with that?
“Why should I have faith in you, Jake? You left me alone, scared, and pregnant!”
“I didn’t know!” I growl. “I didn’t fucking know, Katie. You didn’t tell me!”
“Would it have changed anything?” she asks. I let go of her and step back.
