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“Is that why you’ve remained single all this time?” I rumble.
“I’ve stayed single because it was my choice. I loved your father with everything I am. If I can’t find a man I can love that way, I don’t want them. That’s my choice and I made it. That’s what you need to do—make your own choices.”
“I’m not walking away from her again, Mom. Lennon is involved and I want my family.”
“What about touring the circuit? How are you going to manage things when you go on the road?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll make it work somehow,” I finally answer. I don’t really know how I’ll work everything out. I just know I am not about to let this chance slip through my fingers.
“What if Katie doesn’t agree?” she asks, her eyes appraising me in a way that makes me uncomfortable.
“I don’t plan on allowing that to happen,” I rumble. Mom shakes her head. “But,” I add before she can argue, “if Katie ultimately disagrees, I’ll focus on my life with Lennon.”
“That’s my boy. Where were you four years ago?”
This is my chance. The moment I have to blast Jeff and let her know what a worthless piece of shit he is. I don’t do it.
“Figuring shit out,” I grumble instead, taking another sip of my coffee and ignoring the bitterness I feel inside. Before Mom can respond the phone rings. She stares at the caller ID and then answers it using what Jeff and I used to joke was her phone voice. God, that was another lifetime ago—back to a time when I liked my brother, when I thought we would always have each other’s backs.
Back when I was stupid.
“Hello.” There are a few moments of silence while she listens to whoever is on the other side. “This is Barbara Ryan. Oh my God,” she gasps, and her voice makes every nerve ending in my body come alive. I stand up immediately and go to stand by her. She puts her hand just above my elbow, her fingers biting into my skin as she gives me her weight. “Yes, do whatever you need to do. I… I… Oh God,” Mom says again and when I see the tears sliding from her eyes, I take the phone. She’s obviously upset and in shock.
“This is Jake Ryan, my mom’s upset. What is going on here?” I ask. Mom’s just shaking her head repeating, “Oh God, oh God.” She’s saying it over and over. I somehow manage to direct her to a chair and help her to sit down before the person on the phone responds.
“This is Emily from Del Sol Medical Center in El Paso. Katie Smith has this number as an emergency contact, may I ask who I’m talking to?”
If it’s possible for a heart to beat out of your chest, mine has to be close. My entire body breaks out in a cold sweat. I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that hospitals only call emergency contacts in well…emergencies.
“This is Jake Ryan. I’m Ms. Smith’s fiancé. What’s going on?”
“I’m afraid there was a multi-car pile-up today on the interstate. I’m afraid Miss Smith’s vehicle was involved. Her passenger is here—stable but unconscious. Ms. Smith however has a piece of metal wedged into her back and needs emergency surgery. Her condition is critical—”
“Do whatever you need to do. I’m on my way there now, I’ll sign whatever papers needed when I get there.”
“I’ll let the doctor know,” she says.
“My cell is 494-1200, I want notified of any changes in Katie’s condition or her mother, Hazel.”
“Yes, sir.”
I hang up before she can say anything else. I turn to look at Mom and I can’t breathe. I’ve not lived a safe life. I’ve been thrown, trampled, and trapped by the meanest bulls around. Yet, I’ve never been truly scared before. Thinking about Katie over an hour away, critically injured and metal lodged in her back…
I’m so scared that it could easily bring me to my knees.
CHAPTER 23
Jake
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I never realized that sound could tear you apart from the inside, but it can. The noise of Katie’s heart monitor has somehow seeped in and is burning inside my chest. I want to yank it out of the wall, and yet, every time it reassures me that Katie’s heart is still beating, I’m relieved.
I scrub my hand over my face feeling the stubble there. It’s been twenty-four hours since I got here, and Katie still isn’t awake. They’re giving her meds to help keep her sedated and told me not to worry, but that’s like telling the sun not to rise. I rub the tension out of my shoulder and neck. My muscles are so tight it’s almost painful to touch the area. I feel so damn useless. I don’t know what to do to help her or even if she wants me here.
But I’m not leaving.
I can’t. I have no idea how Katie feels about me, but I know that night at her house, when we were fixing her sink, there were sparks between us. It felt right—like something I lost long ago snapping back into place. Now, she needs me and I’m here. The thought that she could be dead right now has haunted me since I found out about her accident. She coded on the damn operatingtable as they removed shrapnel from her body. That’s how close I came to losing her—not just me, but Lennon.
