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“He needs time, Katie. Hell, you do, too.”
“This would be a lot easier with him here.”
“Baby girl, a woman has to stand on her own two feet sometimes. That’s just plain facts.”
“What if I’m not strong enough to do that?” I whisper, hating the words even as I allow them to escape.
“Nonsense. Didn’t you send Jeff away once before to find someone to make him happy and build a life with? Don’t tell me you did that because you didn’t love my son. I won't believe that hogwash.”
“I do love Jeff. I just…”
“You always loved Jake, too.”
I let out a bitter laugh, full of hurt and anger. “I hate him now.”
“Seems like you, Jeff, and Jake all have a belly full of hate brewing inside of you, and none of that is good for my Lenny. How about you leave him with me? Let me deal with Jake as he visits with his boy, and I’ll call you after he leaves.”
“No, I should be here. Besides, Jake threatened to take Lennon away from me—”
“Oh bullshit. You know better than that. I’ll take a belt to him before I’d allow that. Besides, he wouldn’t do that either. That’s just anger talking. It’s going to be okay, Katie. Just let me handle Jake.
“Still, I’m worried how Lennon will react to all of this. We’ve never hidden from him that Jeff wasn’t this father, but I’m not sure how he’ll react to–”
“Jake won’t say anything to him about that. I’ll make sure of it. That’s something we need to approach carefully. My son might be a horse’s ass lately, but he’s not a bad man either. He will want what’s best for Lennon.”
“Doubtful, since he never wanted Lennon to begin with,” I mutter, mostly to myself as old anger and resentment boils up.
“Maybe we should have told him sooner, given him a chance to prove us wrong,” Barb says, and I doubt she knows how her words wound me. I doubt there’s any way that she can since she wasn’t the one who found herself pregnant at seventeen, alone with a sick grandmother, and reading a note from her boyfriend that ripped out her heart.
“Maybe he should have made it possible for me to try,” I snap without thought.
“Katie–”
“I’ll get Lennon. I think you’re right. It’ll be better if I stay away, at least for a bit. There’s too much hurt and anger between us. That can’t be good for Lennon. Tell Jake he can call me tonight after ten. That way, Granny and Lennon are sleeping, and we can discuss when he’d like more visits.”
I walk around the van to get Lennon. My baby wakes up with a smile on his face and it wraps around me. God, I can’t let him get hurt in all this. He’s everything to me.
“Mommy,” he says sleepily, yawning.
“Hey, pumpkin. Are you ready to visit with Nanny Barb for a bit?” I ask, doing my best to sound happy and at ease. I can wallow in my misery after I leave.
“Nanny!” Lennon squeals as he lifts his arms up to wrap around my neck—once I get his safety latches on his chair undone.
I get him out of the van, shielding his little head, and carefully holding him to me. I close my eyes and inhale his scent of kid’s green apple shampoo–which is his favorite but only because it has Buzz Lightyear on the bottle—baby lotion, andlove. If love had a scent, it would be my son’s.
“Katie, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Barb says, looking worried as she comes over to me and Lennon.
“Nanny!” Lennon practically giggles, squirming to get out of my arms. I hold him as I help him slide so he can stand on the ground. I get out his Buzz Lightyear backpack—my son really loves that annoying cartoon—and watch as Barb bends down so she’s close to eye level with Lennon.
“How’s my baby?” she says, hugging him close. Does she have the same thoughts as I do? Does she know that there’s nothing better in the whole world than having Lennon in your arms?
Will Jake try to take that away from me even though he never wanted our son to begin with?
“I want to make pancakes!” he says, and I laugh. Lennon could live on pancakes with whipped cream. Macaroni and cheese is a close runner-up, but nothing beats pancakes for him. Barb made the mistake of getting him to help mix the batter the other day, and now he insists on helping every time.
Barb starts laughing. “I guess we’re going to have breakfast for dinner. Katie, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Barb repeats, obviously worried.
“You didn’t. I mean, I am upset, but that’s not your fault. I guess I naively thought this day would never happen.”
