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Chapter 11
The beautiful thing about life is that you can always change, grow & get better. You aren’t defined by your past. You aren’t your mistakes. -ThisJoyLoveLifeQuotes
Natasha
We are at a hotel bar, the kind where only the elite come. It makes sense that this has to do with the Clans in some way, or at least Clan Balan and the crowd it keeps, considering how much it must have cost to rent this place out. The bar on one side is entirely plain. The whole place is silver and white, a little too bright for my taste. It makes me look like a ghost in that dress, beyond the floating head of dark red hair that frames my face.
There are eyes on me the instant I walk in, just as I expected, and it makes it easy to forget that kiss I shared with Anton in the car. I remember the reason I have to be angry at him, even if he caught me in a moment of lustful weakness. Okay, maybe not just lust, but that doesn’t mean I have to just give in, forgive and forget. It's not time yet. We can settle this after I make it through this horrible night and see how bad it gets. I know for a fact it could get horrible.
Anton’s hand is on my back possessively. I don't try to step away from him, because I know there are worse men at this party than him. He is my protection tonight and will be for as long as I feel like I need him. Even if I leave his side, I have to believe he won't let anything happen to me, just eyes. It’s only eyes. That's what I tell myself.
A man approaches us, the kind that looks like a shark. His hair is a sandy brown and his eyes a cobalt color. If I didn't realize the way he was looking at me in this dress, I might have thought he was a handsome man. Not now. I think I am ruined now.
“When you’re finished with this one, I want a round.” Those are the first words that leave his lips, and I know I can't say a damn thing about it. I am disgusted by this. Anton smiles and chuckles, but I feel his arm tense around me. I think it’s best to get my composure really quick, and maybe touch up the makeup after that passionate episode in the car.
I whisper in Anton's ear. “Please, excuse me to the lady’s room.” He nods his permission and let’s go reluctantly, continuing the conversation with the man I dare not listen in on at this point.
When I get to the restroom, I quickly do my business and go to the mirror to touch up my makeup. I begin to whisper a mantra to myself. “I can get through this,” I say so quietly that whoever is in the stall will not be able to hear. “I am Natasha Kolosov.” I know in my heart that all I have to do, is wait for my father to find me. He will get me out of this mess with Anton. At least I hope that he will. He has to.
Instead of going straight back to Anton, I know I need a drink to put up with this. A little bit of liquid courage. I need something strong, a go to.
I order specifically, an Imperia Vodka. I only drink the best. I don't drink that other cheap, nasty knockoff shit.
“Old habits die hard, yes?” I hear his voice coming from behind me, and I almost do not want to believe the familiarity of it. It has to be an illusion, but as I turn around and look, there he is, my ex-fiancé Rusev, standing right behind me at the bar. Maybe I should have gone straight back to Anton. This is not the night to run into him. Hell, there is never a good night to see this man again.
I haven't seen him in so long, but it feels like yesterday when I left him for good. It's funny how memories work that way. All the beatings and the mark he left on me are fresh in my mind right then and there. That is happening way too much lately.
I don't even notice for a moment when he first reaches his hand out to me, landing it on my jawline he traces the scar that with makeup can only be seen this close to me now. I was so absorbed with my thoughts that it took me a moment to react, but this was disgusting. This is not how this chance meeting is going to fucking go. This is going to be on my terms now, because I know better. Rusev’s spell was broken long ago.
I decide in this moment that I will show him no fear. Why? Fear gives Rusev power, and he is never going to have power over me, not again. I know this for a fact. I may be under another man’s thumb, but I also know there is a way out. I will never stop looking and hoping for a way out, whether it is giving into my feelings for the man or escaping with my father.
I am not the scared little girl that Rusev used to know. His eyes pierce through me, but it does nothing to me. There is no knot in my stomach, no reason to look down as if I am worth any less. That is not who I am now. Just knowing that means more than anyone could imagine. I know I can’t be crushed. I can’t be controlled quite like that. I will always be kicking and screaming my way out, refusing to be the girl that I once was.
My uncle, Jan, made sure to give me the support I needed to transform into the strong woman I was always meant to be. He was always telling me that I was strong; that I was strong just like my mother. I may not have known the woman, but I saw pictures, heard stories, and I believed it. I knew he was telling me the truth about her. Only a strong woman could marry and have children with a Kolosov. I know enough about my father to know that.
What I do next, I do it to keep Jan and his memory alive, to do it justice. He would want to see me fight, and deep down I wish he were here to see this moment when I finally do more than just run or cower from the man that had me so broken down before, had me believing I was nothing but trash, a whore. Jan is smiling from somewhere, Heaven or Hell, it doesn’t matter. He is going to know that he taught me well and that I owe him one.
Maybe, my mother is watching me too. Maybe, she is willing this strength to me from wherever she is. I can’t imagine she would want to see me so oppressed by men either.
I lift my open palm and slap his hand, forcing it off of my face. It was a hard slap, the kind that everyone could hear as I make contact with his bare skin. My hand is red, but I don't care. How dare this man touch me after I have been gone from his grasp for a year now. How dare he think he has the right to touch me ever again. How dare he touch my scar, the one he gave me. What was he fucking doing anyway, admitting his handiwork? It wouldn't surprise me with this bastard. He is capable of anything evil there is to do in the world without remorse, without a rhyme or reason to it. He is just a narcissistic parasite.
I look him dead in the eye and ask him the one question I know he will have the answer to, the only one he is important enough to get an answer out of for. Otherwise, I would walk away and leave him wanting, leave him gasping for air as I suck out the marrow he gets when he tries to bring women like me down.
“Where is my father?” I ask him, my head beginning to scan the room already to see if I can spot the man. If Rusev is here, then my father must be here. They are generally part of a packaged deal as far as business goes, even if I have nothing to do with this evil man anymore. The only good news about me running into Rusev is this. My father can get me out of this mess with Anton with a snap of his fingers, possibly less.
“He’s not here,” Rusev says, reaching out his hand and pulling a piece of my hair up to his nostrils. He takes a deep breath in, his eyes closing as he savors my scent. I slap him away once again, turning around to grab my drink and backing up a bit. I don't know if I believe what he says about my father not being here. Why wouldn't he be?
“I don't believe you.”
“He is in Russia, and he is there on business Tasha, with your dear step-mother.” His tongue flicks out when he says it just like the snake he is. I glare at him as I take a swig of my drink. I definitely need this. This is ridiculous.
Rusev surveys me in the dress, and I am reminded, yet again, about the see-through nature of it. He, of all people, should not get to see me like this, but I hold myself high and pretend like I totally mean to do this. Maybe it’s the best revenge I have against him for all he did; making him miss my body. That was probably the only thing about me he actually cared for.
Rusev begins to laugh, the kind of evil laugh you expect from a villain on a children’s cartoon. I don't like it one bit, and people are starting to notice us over here. Maybe that’s a good thing, for me anyway. I don't know how Anton will take me making a scene with my ex-fiancé.
“What's so fucking funny?” I ask him, getting annoyed.
“I heard a rumor that you are now the personal whore of Clan Balan.” There is that word again, and my blood boils a little. I drink down more of my vodka. He has clearly been misinformed, considering I have nothing to do with anyone in that Clan other than Anton himself. I have not been in any other man's bed, though it does look bad for me with this dress and this party. There is no point in correcting him as he sneers at me. “Your father didn't seem to care much about your new status when he heard, or about the death of Jan Constantin, for that matter.”
