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Chapter Eighteen
Willow
I wake up, feeling groggy as the night before becomes clear in my mind. I am supposed to be in my bed, in my room, no access to anything or anyone else. Or is that rule gone since my father is gone to? It's so confusing; I have inherited a role, and I have yet to play it. I have no script. Nothing other than finding a Romanian man to marry me.
I try not to scoff too loudly at that thought as I do not want to wake Duncan up. I need to get back to my room quickly and quietly before we get caught. I know that all these men here are supposed to serve me or something like I'm some Queen, but I know just enough about this world to know that you can't trust anybody. Ironic that I'm trusting Duncan at all considering he is at my side always like a babysitter, ordered to do so by a man I consider to be Voldemort.
But the truth is, it's not really about trust, anyway. Being in a man's bed doesn't always have to be about trust.
There was a time I could say that I probably did trust Duncan. When we were in Australia. Otherwise, I would not have gone on a date with him. I'm still trying to reconcile that man that I knew with the one that I see here now. While part of me wonders how much of it was an act and how much was real.
I slide oh so carefully off my side of the bed one limb at a time and turn to take a look at this tousled hair. The burly American man looks so vulnerable sleeping like a baby. You would never know looking at him now what job he has, and I get why he can’t be so open or nice or sweet all the time. Yet, he makes himself vulnerable to me. I should give him credit for such a thing, but I don't know if I'm in the business of giving anyone credit for anything anymore.
I pad through the house like a ghost. I land in my room and shut the door and lock it as if I have never left.
At some point, I am sure I will pick a different room, something that doesn't seem so locked up tight or childish. And I am going to have to go into my father's office and go through his things to begin to learn all the secrets that I need to know to take his place. But doing so would mean admitting that this is my life now, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. But it has to be done. I have no doubt now that I am in danger and that I will continue to be in danger until I know everything I need to know to protect myself. But damn, I am afraid to learn what I don't know. I fear I will never be the same again.
I think back to Stefan then to the date I had with him the night before. I think about how nice Stefan was to me, always has seemed. But something tells me what happened with Duncan was for a reason, whether it was for my safety or about something else entirely. I don’t like the idea of deciding what Romanian man will rule by my side, but if I have to choose, Stefan is the best choice there is. It's funny how I was so brave before when my father was still alive, how I talked back to him like I was going to change things, but if he wanted me to change things then I didn't need a man, especially not a Romanian man. Here and now, I am thinking that I should just go with the nice guy who would be easily approved. Cut and dry. Everyone would get off my case. I may have some sass and attitude, that's for sure, but I don't go around pulling guns on people, don't know how to organize crime, or balance books of tons and tons of money that come from illegal activity. And I suppose that's where the fear comes in; me wanting somebody else who can do it for me.
As I recall the man that I left in his room just moments ago, I know what that means for us, if there ever could be an us. There just wouldn't be. But what would people say if I decided to go public, Duncan and I as an us? I don't foresee it going very well. Even if one or two come out and support of us, I believe the majority will never allow a non-Romanian man to marry me. I guess I could say it would be over my dead body. Literally.
Not that I should be thinking about the possibility of an us after some wild one night stand with this American asshole, but I have to consider the fact at the very least and weigh it against being bored and a man’s second best. A trophy wife who is better seen and not heard. What would I be with Duncan? I don't know if we would ever work. The finding out’s a hell of a lot better than some arranged marriage.
The solution hits me, and I feel like I need to tell him. But I'm not going to just go to him; it's going to be too obvious if I do. I'm going to have to wait until he wakes up and comes to check on me. Maybe I'll make up some lame excuse like him showing me around the office or something, to get us alone together.
Women in the twenties felt empowered by taking men whenever they wanted, however many they wanted. Many women were married and messing around with someone else or multiple someone else's, and it was a status symbol. Women then we're strong, and I can't remember what put us back in the background again. But this seems to be my compromise. I don't have to compromise my wants or my strengths, at least not in private. I could be okay, content with a man like Stefan. I wouldn't want for anything monetarily, and he would help me navigate this mob life I have been thrust into. ;And then I can have someone on the side I can have my cocky Duncan on the side, and yes that pun is totally intended.
I go to my closet and change into something more comfortable, making sure I'm not in the same clothes as the night before. Nothing is more suspicious than that, and I don't need all these men here thinking I'm some floozy. I don't think that would bode well for me.
I go about my day, eat my breakfast, and then lunch, until finally, a knock comes at my door. I swing it open to see that Duncan is there. "Duncan, I've been waiting for you. I think it's time you showed me my father's things and I start taking on this role more seriously, " I tell him in my most serious voice. He gives me a strange look but nods, leading the way like a bodyguard or butler rather than a man I just slept with the night before. I don't know if it's for show so nobody suspects anything, or if he is thinking that I might feel what we did was a mistake. I guess that's one thing that's the same about the mafia world and the real world. You never know how to talk to the guy that you just slept with by accident the night before. Though, I feel at ease in a way that I haven’t felt at ease with a man in a long time, not since I lost the last one.
Maybe that's why Duncan is so appealing to me, though; because I don't think he can get hurt. He can protect himself, me, and everyone else around him because he's been trained to. He’s not so easy to lose.
I have Duncan close the doors as if we are going to talk business. I guess we sort of are. After all, this is kind of a business contract. Just like marriage, apparently.
"I have a confession to make, I begin, gauging his reaction to me." I didn't bring you in here to help you through my father's things. Though, I do mean to do that at some point. I brought you in here to make a proposal of sorts to you. I know that we both had a good time last night. What this is between us’ chemistry that will just fit, if we're headed towards something more, this is not the time to think about that one way or the other. Both of us is in some way trapped in this life and the rules of this life. I know I have to marry a Romanian, so why don't I go ahead and get it over with and marry Stefan? And I can have you on the side."
For just a moment, Duncan's façade breaks. I see his eyes go wide, and then he shakes his head. I don't like where this answer is going, and I come up to him and place my finger over his lips, trying to shut him up. "If you're going to deny having any sort of feelings or attraction to me, save it."
"I'm not stupid enough to think that you are that stupid. Besides, that would be an insult to what happened last night and the magic I felt with you. I get that you feel trapped, and it all sucks, but the rules are the rules. They don't involve being with me. As far as anything on the side, that idea is shit, and you know it. It doesn't do you justice for what you deserve, but no man, no real man will share a woman like you, certainly not me."
I stand there with my mouth wide open. My facade is broken too. I didn't expect him to say such a strong statement. Oh boy, are we ever in trouble.
