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Chapter Twenty-Three
VERA
I want to blame him for where I am, for not letting me do what needed to be done, but I can’t. The only person I can blame is myself. I ended up in this place because of actions I made, because of actions that I’ve regretted since everything went black. I didn’t want to die. I just thought I did. I thought that everything wouldn’t hurt anymore if I was with the people that I love, with the girls who depended on me more than anything...but I didn’t think about my husband, about what leaving him would be like.
I failed to think of Rhys and how much he loves and adores me, of how I have those feelings for him.
I only felt my pain and loneliness, and worst of all, my failures. I can see how much I screwed up, how much Rhys truly cares. I don’t know how it’s possible that I could’ve been so blind to it, to forget it, to act like it wasn’t even there. I know better than that...and I haven’t been this depressed in years.
“Why did you do it, huh? Why? I’m trying to be as accepting and understanding as I can, but I don’t understand.”
“Of course, you don’t understand. We’re so different! How would you ever understand the type of life I’ve had to survive in? You were born with a spoon in your mouth while I was being starved by my own mother!”
He speaks so quickly that he’s practically spitting on me, “I’m glad we’re on the subject since you’re one now.”
What he says doesn’t make any sense to me. “What do you mean?”
“Put it together, Vera. When’s the last time you had your period?” Quickly, I figure out what he’s telling me, but it’s impossible. I’m on birth control. There’s no way I’m pregnant.
“Not possible, I’m on the pill. I take it every morning with breakfast. You’ve seen me.” I’ve never missed taking it, not once.
“Birth control fails all the time, Vera.”
I shake my head back and forth, not wanting this. I’ve never wanted this, not even as a small child. “This can’t be happening...I’m not ready,” I burst out into tears, all of my compressed emotions come exploding out of me. If I was certain about anything in life it’s that I was never meant to be a parent, and my DNA showed that my bloodline failed tremendously at that.
“Dytyna, I’m not ready either. No one is ever ready to be a parent, but you can rest assured that we’ll figure this out and that these kids will be loved and cared for. You aren’t your parents, Vera. You are so much more than they ever are.”
I take a gulp before asking him something that I’m terrified to find the answer of. “Kids. You said kids. That’s plural…”
“The doctor said you were having twins.” He smiles so bright as he says it, like it’s the happiest news he’s ever heard.
“I’m so scared...I...I never wanted this.”
Rhys looks concerned for a moment, “Do you want to abort?”
The answer spills from my lips before I realize what I’ve said. “What? No! Never!”
It’s now that I realize I have wanted this. Somewhere deep, down inside of me, I wanted to be a mother but have just been so afraid of it. It’s not labor, or the getting fat part, but I am most afraid of failing them.
I can fail in business. I can let myself down, but I will never accept letting down children.
“If anyone can do this, it’s us. That I am sure of,” Rhys tells me, wrapping his arm around my back. He leans his lips down to mine and kisses me, making me forget every traumatic thing that has happened over the last few days.
As his lips envelop mine and we stand in the room in each other’s arms everything settles in our world. We may live in chaos, but we thrive in it. There’s only one place that I want to be. “Romanian, can we go home?” I whisper against his lips, looking up to him with tear filled eyes.
“Words I thought I’d never hear,” he jokes, taking ahold of my hand we head out. I will promise Rhys one thing, I will never do what I tried to accomplish ever again. It’s not just me I have to worry about anymore, but these two little beans growing inside my belly.
The Albu Clan is just getting started.
