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Chapter 12
Bethany
Beautiful smile
Look at the way your hair glows in the sunlight
Greta pose, work it!
This looks like so much fun, maybe you’ll have to take me one day
I smile as I see all the likes and comments on some of my older photos and feel like such a fool for what I said to Leon before he left. Did I need space? Of course, I did. I still do. Mostly to figure out who I am again alone before I can know who I should be in a relationship. But he didn’t do anything wrong, he was angry because someone that shouldn’t be in my life anymore was harassing me, he wanted to defend me. In a normal relationship, that is exactly how you should feel – wanting to protect the person you care about. But it triggered me, and so I said something horrible and caused him to storm out. I never saw him again either. Anton explained to me he had to go back to Romania to handle business. But I knew I must have chased him away faster than he expected to be leaving the states.
But since a few days after he left, he has been leaving likes and cute little comments on some of my old photos. I have to admit that he is getting to me. And he has no reason to think that this is going to get me in his bed or something cindering not only is he in another country, but there hasn’t been a text message, a phone call, or even a mention of him coming back and having date any further than his comment that a concert I have a picture at looked like fun. He didn’t seem like a concert guy, but he also hadn’t seemed like a atats guy either, but then is saw him all over his body.
I sigh and try to ignore the ache that thought brings to me. It doesn’t matter how much I know I need to make anything new slowly, I will never forget that night we had together and how good it felt. My body just won’t let me.
He has been gone 10 days now, and I think it’s about time I start responding to him in some way. He is being so nice and maybe deserves to be throne a bone so to speak. The least I can do is strike up a friendship and go from there. That’s probably where I should have started to begin with, only the alcohol and my anger over what was happening with my ex got to me and made me be a little rash.
I open up a chat window and see that Leon is in fact online. Not that it means much because on my phone it always shows me as online even when I am out and about. But tis I worth a shot even though I have no idea what time of day tis I there.
Hey
I stare at the screen and feel a bit silly as I wait for those little moving dots to show up so I know he is typing back to me. Its’s a little bit desperate of me, especially considering I am supposed to just be trying to get to know him as a friend. Though my body is having a hard time differentiation between friend and more right now when it comes to him.
Finally, I see that he has seen my message and is responding.
Bethany, isn’t it a little late there?
I look at the clock and confirm that it is a few minutes before one a.am. but I have been lost in searching through local colleges and online school for quite a bit now as well as trying to figure out how to get a hold of my old transcripts from before I dropped out because of Noah. It is all part of the new me, though I haven’t made a final decision yet.
A little, but that’s okay. I’m not tire.
Everything okay?
I don’t know why his concern shocks me. He has done nothing but care for me since day one. I remember how he thought to bring me tea when I was crying, and all bloodied up with a broken nose and bruised face. I remember how he helped me cover it all up with makeup so I could have breakfast with everyone without scaring the kids. I don’t think those are things that men do just to get in your pants, especially when they don’t know you. And on fact he had let me think he might be gay for a while there, so why was I so resistant to open up to him at least a little?
Yeah. I am actually looking into colleges.
College? What for?
I cringe for a moment, wondering if he is judging me, but then I just let go. Why should it matter? If he does judge me then I will see his true colors, and then I can just move on. I need to learn not to care so damn much about what people think of who I am.
I was in college before Noah, you know, and I had to quit. He thought it was a wat deo money especially since he could take care of me,. I kind of want to get back to it if I can.
I think that’s a beautiful idea. I was just wondering what you were goingto major in.
I let out a breath, feeling so paranoid for having thought he meant his comment negatively. He was just curious. “Chill, and be yourself,” I scold myself out loud as I take my phone to the bedroom, opting to lay down with some quite music in the background as I continue my conversation with Leon.
I kind of want to be a professor. I knew I wanted to be a teacher before, but I think I specifically want to be a professor. Maybe Humanities or something fun like the arts.
What’s holding you back?
It’s funny how he can still read me all the way from Romania, and the guy barely knows me. He must have been a psychiatrist in another life or something, picking up cures so easily.
I am afraid of having to start over because my credits don’t transfer. It feels like a lot of time wasted.
You don’t know until you try, right?
