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This misunderstanding has cost me so much. If I hadn’t jumped to conclusions, none of this would have happened. It’s all my fault.
I know where he is, without even needing to look for him. I run towards the barn, a plume of smoke hinting he’s behind the wall. My ragged breathing alerts him to my presence, and he ducks his head around to see who’s there.
When our eyes meet, everything changes and it’s game on.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand, charging over to him.
“From where I stand, I don’t think you’re in any position to be asking me that,” he barks, flicking his cigarette to the ground.
I come to a halt, surprised. “Why do you care if I’m going anyway? You’ve made your feelings for me quite clear. I still don’t understand why you’re still here? It’s obvious you don’t want to be, so go back to Oregon.”
“I like it here. Sophia—”
The moment her name leaves his lips, I scream. “And you call me a liar!” I’m certain he’s using her as an excuse to stay, but I want to know why.
“I thought this is what you wanted,” he snarls, pointing to the house. “Isn’t that why you invited her to the party? To get me out of your hair.”
No, this most certainly isnotwhat I wanted.
“Are you guys dating?” He’s silent. “Are you dating her?” I demand once again.
“No,” he finally replies. It appears things are definitely not what they seem.
Hurtling forward, I shove at his chest with both hands. He stumbles backwards, caught off guard. “Why didn’t you tell me you never slept with Piper?”
“What difference would it have made? You believed what you wanted to believe. And it wouldn’t have changed the fact youfuckedhim.”
I pull back, stunned by his fury. “What else was I meant to think? You were taking her into your room.”
“Where I held back her hair and watched her be sick for an hour. Then I put her to bed.” His chain of events corroborates with Piper’s. “Once she fell asleep, I went to look for you. I wanted to apologize for upsetting you. However, when I couldn’t find either you or Sam, it was obvious where you had gone. And what you were doing.”
I’ve never seen him angrier as he pushes past and storms into the barn. But this isn’t over. Chasing after him, I latch onto his arm, spinning him, forcing him to look at me. The barn is dimly lit with rustic sconces.
“Why does it matter if I had sex with Sam? What difference does it make to you?” He turns his cheek, his jaw clenched. “Why?” I scream. “For once, be honest and tell me the truth!”
His face contorts as he pounces forward, gripping my upper arms firmly. His anger takes my breath away. “Because…I fucking love you!” He shakes my limp form, my body sagging like a ragdoll. “I can’t stand being around you…you rip out my heart…time and time again. But I can’t stand being away from you either!”
Too much is happening. The world is spinning, and I’m afraid I’m about to move with it. He loves me? Since when? Piper said he’s loved someone for a long time. Is that person me?
“You l-love m-me?” I whisper, my eyes locked with his.
“Yes. I do. God damn it, I do!” he confesses, appearing plagued by the truth. “Ask me again why I’ve stayed.”
I know he’s referring to our conversation all those weeks ago when I asked him what reason is there for him to stay. I remember thinking that when I do ask him, his response will change everything I believe in and love. And I was right.
“Why did you stay, Saxon? What reason is there for you to stay?”
Releasing his grip around me, he drops his hands by his side. He is saddened, defeated by this entire confession, and I don’t know why. “The reason is you, Lucy. It’s always been you. All I wanted was you…but you never wanted me back.” I now understand his heartache. He doesn’t know if his admission will make a difference, but it has.
Suddenly, everything falls into line. “I-I want you now.”
“What?” he wheezes, his chest rising and falling quickly.
“I want you. God help me, I’ve wanted you from the moment I threw myself in your arms and you caught me. I thought you felt that too… but you were so quick to dismiss our kiss,” I reveal, finally understanding why I was so hurt.
He rushes forward, securing a hand to the side of my neck, begging me to listen. The contact is like a red hot poker to my heart. “I was scared of losing you. Of you running away from me. I saw the look in your eyes. The look of guilt, uncertainty. I’d prefer to pretend than lose you again.”
“Again?” What does he mean by that?
