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“W-what?” I wheeze, my voice displaying my complete surprise.
“Sophia said to help me remember, I should engage in activities I used to enjoy doing.” When his gaze drops to my braless chest, my cheeks burst into flames.
No guessing what activities he’s thinking of ‘doing.’ Is his change of tune because of this morning? Is he hoping I’ll put out if he shows me that he’s trying? I hate that I’m questioning him. I never would have before.
When he continues staring at me, hopeful, I give in. “Sure.”
The room becomes as bitterly cold as winter. “I’m going to hit the shower,” Saxon declares. I purse my lips, not understanding his sudden anger.
“I’ll see you out there?” I ask with a smile as I turn to face him. “That fence ain’t gonna fix itself.”
I’m greeted with a blank stare and a grunt. And just like that, I’m transported back to being sixteen years old. He doesn’t commit either way and walks out of the room.
I’m suddenly left feeling incredibly guilty and I don’t know why. Samuel doesn’t give me time to digest it, however. “So where do we start?” he asks excitedly. I raise a suspicious eyebrow.
Why is he so animated this morning? Maybe he used thoughts of Alicia to finish where I left off. I clench down on my jaw at that thought. “I too am going to have a shower. How about you go out into the barn and get the horse feed ready? It’s clearly marked.”
Sam nods. “Sure, I can do that. We can have our coffee to go.” Today, he’s Dr. Jekyll.
This is too much. His sincerity and kindness reminds me of the old Sam. A Sam I haven’t seen in a very long while. A Sam I’ve missed dearly. My fear however is, how long will it last? Pushing those negative thoughts aside, I focus on the fact that Sam appears to want to remember. Maybe his session with Sophia wasn’t a complete disaster after all.
Without making a fuss, I leave and scurry down the hallway and into my en suite where I strip off. The hot water feels divine on my skin and I use this time to process the events of this morning. I’m happy Sam appears to want to remember, but why did Saxon freeze up at the thought? Does he not want Sam to remember?
Scoffing at such a thought, I quickly finish showering and head into my room to get dressed. I slip on a white fitted tank and blue denim overalls—my usual farming attire. I comb my fingers through my hair and reach for the straw hat sitting near my dresser. Looking at the minimal cosmetics scattered along the top, I decide to make myself a little more presentable, hoping the effort might encourage Sam’s memory.
Sitting in front of the mirror, I reach for my fair foundation and apply a light dusting to my face. My green eyes look exhausted and restless, so I decide to liven them up a fraction by applying some mascara. Reaching for my cherry ChapStick, I coat my lips and then paint a light layer of gloss over the top. The red brightens up my lips, and gives my pastel cheeks a light glow.
Securing the hat onto my head and drawing my long hair forward to frame my face, I smile, as this is the first time I feel like me. With a small skip to my usual heavy step, I slip into my boots and look forward to a day of hard work and sunshine.
Thunder chases after me as we walk outside and down the back steps. Stopping, I take a moment to breathe in the fresh air and bask in the sunlight, warming my chilled skin. The rays are exactly what I need and I can’t wait to feel the earth beneath my fingers, reminding me that I’m alive.
To my left, I see Samuel brushing Luna, appearing to be at home with the white beauty as she relishes in the grooming. She is a striking horse, and although Sam doesn’t remember her, I know she remembers him. Seeing him tend to her reminds me of the time we purchased her, both falling in love with her elegance and spirited nature.
I’m lost in the past, a place I revisit often, and fail to notice Saxon working on the fence to my right until Thunder tears over to him, barking ecstatically. He jumps up on him, licking his face adoringly while Saxon pats him, grinning.
Looking from left to right, I can’t help but feel exceptionally blessed to have these two remarkable men in my life. Although it took tragedy to bring us together, we’re together nonetheless.
With that thought in mind, I go to work, excited to slip into normality—even just for a day.
* * * * *
As I’m raking out the stables, Cullen, our Alpine goat, bleats, hinting that she’s hungry. Looking over at her enclosure, I see she’s eaten all the freshly laid out hay and grain I put out for her this morning.
“I have no idea why the saying is as hungry as a horse. It should be goat,” I mutter under my breath as Cullen begins gnawing on my pant leg.
Chuckling, I gently brush her away and go in search of more food. All of our supplies are low, which means I’ll have to take the pickup and stock up soon. This actually may be a good idea for Sam to engage in simple, normal activities such as this one.
Throughout the day, it’s taken every ounce of willpower to stop myself from helping Sam. His frustration could be clearly seen when he attempted to do something, but couldn’t remember how or where the tools or supplies were kept to get the job done. Saxon made it clear he wasn’t helping, which I knew was in Sam’s best interests. But it still was hard to watch.
I guess we both have to be cruel to be kind. But judging by the satisfied smile on Saxon’s face when his brother was cursing under his breath, I dare say he’s not minding the hard love approach one bit. I know Saxon and Sam’s relationship will most likely always be strained, but I think this time together will mend some of their broken bridges. Even if it means they can tolerate being in the same room with one another for five minutes, I’ll consider that a win.
I’m unsure if Sam remembers what transpired between them because the love-hate relationship applies to both Saxon and I. I wish I could ask Sam what he does or doesn’t remember, but I know that’ll just end in tears.
Cullen’s feed is just out of reach, so I climb onto the first wooden railing and lean over the fence to pull it over. However, just as I bend forward to pick up the bag, the fence shakes with an almighty, unexpected force. I yelp, cursing Cullen for ramming the fence and before I can stop myself, I propel forward and brace myself for a painful fall. But the tumble doesn’t happen. A pair of strong hands lock around my middle, stopping me from face planting into several bales of hay.
“I’ve got you.” My body sags in relief when I feel Saxon at my back.
Bent over at an odd and not to mention unflattering angle, I’m grateful when Saxon effortlessly scoops me up into his arms and sets me to my feet. However, when I turn to face him, he doesn’t remove his hands from my waist. Even through my overalls, the heat from his touch burns my flesh. My heart begins a steady climb and I’m suddenly breathless.
