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I don’t wait for him to reply. I can’t. I turn on my heel and run. That’s all I seem to be doing lately.
Too bad I can’t run away from the colossal mess I’ve just made.
* * * * *
September 4th 2004
Dear diary,
One month ago, I met Sam. So it only seems fitting that one hour ago we shared our first kiss. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wipe the smile from my face because I can’t remember ever being this happy!
It was totally unplanned, which is completely ironic, seeing as I’ve been dropping not so subtle hints all month.
Sam won his basketball game and being on a high, his teammates decided it would be fun to throw an impromptu party at Jonno’s house. Piper and I were excited to go, as it was our first real party. We’ve been to a few smaller parties, but this one was massive. There were over one hundred people there, and most were kids from our school.
Samuel was of course the star attraction. Everyone wanted a piece of him. Piper was off looking for Saxon, but I knew this wasn’t really his scene. I know she’s using Saxon as an excuse because she doesn’t particularly like Sam, and I don’t know why.
Every time I tried to talk to Sam, a new face would appear, congratulating him on his win. It was great seeing him being appreciated and acknowledged for the amazing athlete that he is, but after a while, I felt like the third wheel.
I never drink. Like ever. But tonight, I decided to try my first beer. It was awful, but after two sips, I felt buzzed. Boredom led to another beer and before I knew it, I was drunk. Wow, what a lightweight. The first time I drink I get drunk and off of two beers!
I noticed Alicia Bell loitering around Samuel for the majority of the night. She was his girlfriend before we started dating, and from the way she was hanging all over him, I dare say she wishes she still was.
I don’t know if it was the beer or maybe the fact another girl was pawing my boyfriend, but I marched over to Samuel, pushed through the crowd of fans circling him, and kissed him, right there in front of everyone.
At first he froze, and I thought I was doing it wrong because I’ve never kissed anyone before. But when he looped his hands around my waist and drew me into the warmth of his body, I knew he was just as shocked as I was by my forwardness, as me instigating this kiss was kind of a big deal.
The kiss was perfect. Everything I thought it would be and more.
My head was spinning the entire time and I’m certain it wasn’t the alcohol. I was drunk on Samuel. I still am.
We kissed for minutes. The crowd eventually grew bored by our frantic making out and left us to our heavy petting.
My heart is still racing because I can still feel, smell, and taste everything about that first kiss—it was the kiss of all kisses, and I’m sure no other kiss can compare.
Fourteen
I can’t facehim.
I can’t face either of them.
What have I done?
After I was done assuring Greg I was fine, I ran back to the house and hid in my room. Samuel, of course, wasn’t anywhere to be found, and I spent another lonely night in my bed alone. But for once, I didn’t mind.
It’s now after midday and I have no intention of leaving my room—ever. I’ve used the time to catch up on the real world as Kellie’s comments last night had me thinking about how much I miss work. Now that Samuel has made his feelings perfectly clear, I guess there is no reason for me to stay. I could go over to Syria like I planned and lend a hand to people who actually need and want my help.
Groaning, I slam my laptop shut, as I’m in no frame of mind to be helping anyone out. I’m the one who needs assistance at the moment, but I have no one I can ask.
I certainly can’t talk to Piper or my parents about this, as I’m so ashamed by my actions. I don’t want anyone to know what I’ve done. The person who I would usually go to in times of crisis is Saxon, but for obvious reasons, that option is totally off the table.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
A soft knock on my bedroom door has me falling back onto my bed and covering my face with a pillow. I know who’s there. Samuel would have zero need to come see me and Piper is at work. When the knock sounds again, I reach for another pillow.
I vaguely hear the door whining open, revealing that I can’t hide forever. But I can try. As I blindly reach for another pillow, warm fingers gently clasp around my wrist to stop my hunt. I squash down the happy feelings of him being in my room, touching me.
“Are you playing hide and seek? ’Cause if you are, you really need to find a better hiding spot.” Saxon’s voice is muffled, but it still sends a shiver down my spine.
