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Is he really disregarding our kiss? He’s not playing the ‘I was drunk and you were concussed’ card, is he?
It appears that he is. “Neither of us was in the right frame of mind. You’re right, it shouldn’t have happened.”
Saxon is giving me a get out of jail for free card and all I want to do is rip it up in his face. Wasn’t the kiss any good? Is that why he can pretend it never happened? From my end, it was unbelievable, but Saxon obviously doesn’t agree.
“I like being your friend, Lucy, and I wouldn’t want a little thing like a kiss to ruin that friendship.”
He needs to stop talking.
“Are you angry at me?” he asks, while I sit, grinding my teeth.
Am I?
The way he’s discounting what happened between us hurts. It also pisses me off. I’m a melting pot of emotion right now. I should be relieved that things can go back to “normal” between us, but I’m not. But I also don’t want to lose Saxon as a friend.
“You don’t want to be friends anymore?” The sadness breaks my heart.
“Of course I do,” I reply, leaning out to touch his forearm, finally speaking. “I just…don’t want things to be weird between us.”
“Neither do I.” He looks down at my fingers caressing his arm. I quickly snatch my hand away.
“I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to Sam, but I don’t think I can do this without you. So if pretending is the lesser of two evils then…okay.” I feel like I’ve gotten off scot-free. I deserve some kind of punishment for my crimes. But all I get is Saxon’s hand slipping into mine. “I’m an awful person, Saxon. I don’t deserve your friendship. I deserve to be treated like the cheating tramp that I am. Sam hasn’t even been home a week! I’m atrocious.” I’ll carry this guilt around with me for as long as I live.
“Hey, don’t talk like that.” He squeezes my fingers. “A week in this house feels like a hundred years. Not to mention, a lot has happened before this week. Samuel isn’t who he once was. He hasn’t exactly been Mr. Prince Charming since he woke. And besides, it was just a kiss. One…simple…kiss.”
The pause between each heated word has every nerve in my body standing to attention. I can feel that familiar fire building in my body. I need to stop it. Right now. Yes, he’s absolutely correct. Being in this house feels like a time warp, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.
“Yeah, one kiss. One that’ll never happen again.” I can taste the regret the moment I say those words.
Saxon pulls in his lips and attempts a smile. “That’s right, and under normal circumstances, if Sam was Sam, you wouldn’t have kissed me, right?”
I freeze and my cheeks instantly heat. Why can’t I answer with conviction?
As he watches me, the perplexity etching his brow, I remember what it felt like to be in his arms. How safe and at home I felt. I used to feel that way with Sam. Would I feel that way now? If none of this had happened, would I have responded to Saxon the way that I have?
I know the answer is no.
I don’t need to answer his question, as my silence fills in the blanks.
“See, it was just a misunderstanding. Let’s forget it happened.” His words don’t reflect the deflated look on his face. But I don’t press. I squash down my disappointment to him referring to our kiss so flippantly because it’s the right thing to do.
“Did you want to come into town with me? I noticed you’re running low on a few things. I’m not sure what you feed that goat, but she’s demanding more of it.”
I smile, happy that he’s making jokes.
“Sure. We need a ton of stuff, so we can take the pickup. I guess I should also think about getting a few things for this stupid party Piper insists we throw.”
Saxon chuckles when my response to the party I don’t want to host can be clearly seen on my face. “It might be good to try and be normal for a night,” he suggests. “Although, I don’t know how normal it’ll be with the number of people Piper intends to invite.”
I shake my head, not even bothering to ask who’s on the guest list.
“I’ll be out in a minute. Let me attempt to resemble the living,” I say, tongue in cheek.
Saxon nods and stands. He looks down at me for a moment, a look of regret swarming around him. It’s gone a second later.
Once the door closes behind him, I exhale loudly, somehow feeling more miserable than before. I should be relieved that things with Saxon have been somewhat resolved, but I’m not. And I don’t know why.
* * * * *
