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“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t connect the dots earlier. Can you come with me?” Her request leaves us all speechless, pacifying the riot for now.
“Sure.” Honestly, I’m annoyed she intervened because Hogan was about to deliver a bombshell. And the farther away she walks, the farther away I am from Saxon’s room. But without a choice, I follow, visually letting Sam know I’m all right.
Now that I’m away from the battle zone, I wonder why she wants to see me. And what dots she didn’t connect. I find out soon enough when she opens a door, welcoming me into her office. The small confines suddenly have me wishing that whatever she needed to say could be said outside.
“Come in and close the door.”
“O-kay.” Now I am entirely intrigued. She rounds her wooden desk piled high with files and sits in the leather chair.
“Please take a seat.”
“I’ll stand,” I counter, anxiously awaiting an answer to why she brought me in here.
“I’ve been caring for Saxon since he arrived.” I nod, gesturing she’s to continue. “The first thing we do is attempt to find out who our patient is.” She opens a drawer, producing a yellow envelope. “Once we do, we contact their next of kin.”
My fingers dig into the back of the leather chair in front of me.
“We found Saxon’s wallet, but we also found this.” She extends the envelope while I peer down at it, puzzled. “This belongs to you.”
“Wh-what is it?” I ask, swallowing.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” she replies, which just incites the butterflies further. She gently places the envelope on her desk, protecting the cargo as if it were gold. When she brushes past me, her kindness once again surrounds me. “Take all the time you need.” I want to ask her so many questions but within reach is all the answers I seek.
Before she leaves, I query, “Why would you give this to me? And not Sam?” She smiles, but it’s buttered with bereavement.
“I felt it was for your eyes only.” And with that, the door closes, sealing me in with my fate.
Eyeing the package, I take three measured breaths. Saxon would laugh at me, tease me for being afraid of opening a harmless envelope. I can hear him now, and it gives me the strength I need.
“Every scar means you were stronger than whatever tried to beat you.”
And he’s right. Both Saxon and I have scars, both inside and out, but we never surrendered. And I’ll be damned if I do so now.
Tearing open the seal, I reach inside, my fingers passing over a small envelope. There is something else, caught in the corner, something light, but I withdraw the document first. It feels like a letter. How can a simple letter warrant such secrecy?
Running my fingertip over the crease, I slowly open it and answer my own question the second I see the eloquent handwriting. I instantly slam the pages together, tears gathering. There is no mistaking Saxon’s hand wrote this.
Something else is inside the smaller envelope, but I decide to tackle this one step at a time.
“No matter how bad your memories, it’s still your history. It’s your legacy. You should write it down. This way, you can always look back and remember that you survived. You lived.”
His words have never rung more true. I owe him this. I owe it to us. To the life he lived, and to the life he will live.
Honoring his memory, I unfold the pages and get lost in the words of my one true love.
Dearest Lucy,
I have so much I want to say, but I’m afraid I’ll forget because the moment I look into your eyes, nothing else exists but us. So I’m writing it all down because I want to get it right. And besides, I’ve always been better at writing how I feel.
I never thought missing someone could hurt this much, but the moment I left Montana, I was left with a massive hole in my chest. At the airport, I wanted so badly to wrap you in my arms and stop you from leaving. I know you felt me there, how could you not? You and I, we are connected. Call it kismet or fate, I don’t know. Whatever it is, I just know that a part of me is missing when you’re gone.
If I could go back to the day we met, I would. I would have grown a pair and told you it was me and not Sam. You see, I blamed Sam all these years, and yes, he fucked up, and hell yes, he lied, but I did too. I lied to you, but most of all, I lied to myself. I was so afraid of the love I felt, I was certain I would fuck it up. So I did nothing…and that’s just as bad as Sam’s deceit.
This whole experience has taught me that no one is perfect…not even you. I was so angry that day you told me you loved Sam. I knew it, but to actually hear you confess to it tore out my heart. But I needed to hear it because it made me realize just how much I love you.
I don’t care that you’re still working out your feelings for Sam because in the end, you chose me. Not once did you question your decision, but as you said, things just got messed up along the way…but that’s called living.
I can’t stay mad at you for being honest with me because this entire time, that’s all you’ve ever done. Your heart is so big, Lucy, and if I stayed angry with you for helping my brother, then what kind of a person does that make me?
