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When his spine straightens, her guilt for her choice of words shows. “I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine,” he cuts her off. Quickly pushing off the counter, he avoids eye contact with Saxon and me. “I’m going to take a shower. It’s nice to see you again.” He doesn’t wait for my mom or dad to reply as he exits the kitchen swiftly.
My mom sighs while my father rubs her arm. “He knows you meant no harm, Maggie.”
“I know, I just…” She peers over at me and then studies Saxon. “I just wish no one got hurt. Thank you for standing up for my daughter, Saxon.”
This is the first time she has addressed him, knowing he’s now my boyfriend. I didn’t know how she’d react even though she sensed I had feelings for him way before I even did.
“Of course. I love her. Very much,” he professes to my parents without pause. “I know this situation is more than a little complicated, but I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to protect her. She has always been it for me, and I will try my damnedest to be the man she deserves.”
And this, this right here is why I love this man more than I ever thought I could.
My mom smiles, forever the romantic as tears encroach. My father steps forward, and honestly, I don’t know what he’ll say. He’s always been overprotective, and regardless of Saxon’s promise, we all know this won’t be smooth sailing. Kellie’s outburst is just a taste of what’s to come.
“You’ve proven yourself already.” He extends his hand, a gesture that means so much more than words.
I stare at the offering, wondering if things might really be okay. Saxon shakes my father’s hand firmly, and just like that, a small piece of me returns. “Thank you.” My mom nods her approval. “I’d better get dressed. I’m sure you have a lot to catch up on.” He looks lighter as he turns to me and lays a gentle kiss on my forehead, causing a whimper to escape me.
When he’s gone, I know it’s time to face the music. “Mom…Dad, I’m so sor…”
I never get to finish because my mom swoops forward and wraps me in her arms. “Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for. You don’t choose love…it chooses you.” Her declaration rings true because it’s exactly how I feel. I wish I felt different because knowing my choice has hurt Sam eats me up inside, but by having Sam forget me… I remembered me.
“Thank you for not being angry. I’ve upset a lot of people, but I love him… I can’t help it.” A sob slips past my lips. “He’s my ev-everything.”
“I know.” She rubs my back, allowing me this purge.
“What he did, what he has done for me…” I close my eyes, shaking my head. “I can’t not love him. Doing so would be fighting nature. I know what kind of a person that makes me…but he’s worth it, and so much more.”
Each admission chips away at my guilt. I’m a long way away from absolution, but this is a start. “Will you tell me about him?” The opportunity to detail our connection openly once again helps with closing the gaping wound.
“I’d love to.”
The sunshine feels warmer, the air cleaner as I tilt my face to the clouds and bask in the beauty of this day. My parents left after I told them everything. While they raged at some moments, they mostly wept with me. I didn’t want them feeling sorry for me because the choices I made were mine alone.
But once I told them all there was to tell, my mom professed that she’s never been prouder, and my father hugged me tighter than he’s ever held me before. They apologized for not doing more, but they didn’t have to be sorry. It is what it is and just having them listen without judgment or disappointment was more than I could ever ask for.
When I divulged the secrets I uncovered, my mom told me what I knew she would. If I loved Saxon, then I would have to learn to accept it and move forward. I would have my good days and bad, but as long as the good overrode the bad, then I was on the right path.
As for what Sam did, she said that I would know what to do.
I will never fully forgive him for lying to me for so long, but I’m not perfect. Sleeping with his brother and then choosing Saxon over Sam is proof of this. One crime isn’t worse than the other, and maybe one day, we can both forgive. We both hurt each other, and now it’s time to salvage what we can.
Once I bid them farewell, I stood in the middle of my yard, unable to move. There is something almost cathartic about unburdening the sins of your past. Once a secret is spilled, it’s no longer yours to hold alone.
I let go, and it felt good.
I’ve almost forgotten the beauty of stillness. My head has been so filled with clutter, but now, it’s clear. For the first time in a long time, I feel like me.
Thunder comes charging up the hill, barking ecstatically because I’m sure I’ve resembled a ghost these past few months. “Hey boy,” I coo, reaching down to pat him on the scruff. Noticing a smudge of grease on his mane, I can’t help but smile. “You been helping Saxon?” He turns in a circle, woofing happily. “Shall we go find him?”
He turns the way he came, his shaggy fur catching the gust as he runs with haste. Without a minute to waste, I follow, spreading my arms out wide and relishing the breeze as it brushes against my cheeks. I feel seconds away from taking flight because I’m as light as the wind. Closing my eyes, I increase my speed and leave my fears behind. I can’t run away from my past, but I can run toward my future, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
I know my property like the back of my hand, and the moment I meet flat ground, my eyes pop open, and I search the grounds for Saxon. Thunder’s greased state confirms what I thought to be true, and I don’t have far to look.
Saxon is in the garage, his head buried beneath the hood of my Chevy pickup. A country tune plays over the radio, and I take a moment to fully appreciate the sight before me. His blue jeans accentuate his firm behind, and the way he tinkers under the hood with skill and confidence has me appreciating how good he is with his hands. A blush overtakes me when I relive how those hands felt as they explored every inch of my flesh.
When he stands tall, I see he’s wearing a black baseball cap turned backward. I have no idea why, but this just adds to his appeal. He rummages through the toolbox for whatever he’s searching for and then ducks back under the hood, none the wiser that I’m having visions of kissing the living hell out of him. Thunder barks twice, completely raining on my stalker parade.
