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Sam will eventually accept this for what it is, and we will all move on. Everything is going to be okay.
But life...it has a funny way of sneaking up on us and proving us wrong.
“And you say you have no recollection of anything prior to hitting your head in the shower?” Dr. Kepler asks Sam as he waves a penlight back and forth. Sam follows the ray, his eyes focused and alert.
“Yes, that’s right. I feel like I woke up missing a whole chunk of time. The last thing I clearly remember is getting ready for my wedding.” The room drops to arctic temperatures as I work my lower lip between my teeth. “I feel like I should know you, but our meeting feels like a dream. Everything is just so cloudy.” Sam rubs his forehead, his exhaustion clear. I stand with my back to the wall while Kellie consoles her son.
I’ve been awfully quiet, which I’m sure has alarm bells ringing. The contrast this vision paints from when we were here months ago elucidates just how different things really are. There was a time I was hell-bent on fighting Dr. Kepler to the death, convinced that a muscle spasm was a sure sign Samuel was regaining consciousness. Now, I can’t even look at him, afraid he’ll read my thoughts for what they are.
Dr. Kepler pockets his instrument and sighs, deep in thought. “I think it’s safe to assume Samuel’s memory has returned…thanks to you.”
When the room falls silent, I realize Dr. Kepler is talking to me. “Me?” I question, shaking my head, as there must be some mistake.
But the doctor sets me straight. “Samuel was engaging in activities he did prior to the accident and that seems to have flipped a switch. Everyone with amnesia responds differently,” he adds when I continue to look at him as if he’s grown a second head. “How’s your memory?”
Sam shrugs, hands dug deep into his jeans pockets. “I remember most things, but nothing from after the accident.”
Lucky him.
“This is normal,” Dr. Kepler says, writing something on Sam’s chart. “These memories may come back to you over time. Or they may not. These blackouts are completely normal. And so are the headaches you may experience from time to time.”
“So I may not remember?” Sam asks.
Running a hand down my face, I suddenly feel like I’m a hundred years old. I feel cheated that Sam is robbed of these memories because they are why things are the way that they are. If only he remembered his utter contempt for me, he may understand why I just can’t welcome him back into my life with open arms.
“That’s right,” Dr. Kepler says. When he notes the frown on Sam’s face, he tries to lift the mood. “All you can do now is live a normal life. And to do that…I believe Lucy is the key.”
I almost give myself whiplash as I turn to look at him. “Excuse me?” My stalemate attitude hasn’t gone unnoticed by Kellie. She narrows her eyes, trying to figure out what exactly is going on.
“Before the accident, you and Sam lived a happy life together. Being near you will evoke those feelings once again.”
Dr. Kepler smiles while I feel nauseous. I’m thankful the wall is holding me up because I don’t trust my jelly legs. “How is that even possible? He forgot me, but I’m the one who made him remember? That makes no sense.” There is a bite to my tone. My confusion and anger are misdirected, but I can’t help but lash out.
Kellie shifts in her seat, glaring at me as if I’d just told her precious son to take a slow walk in traffic.
“The brain is a complex thing, Lucy. Amnesia affects every person differently. I wish I had the answers.” He gently rubs my upper arm, clearly in tune with my inner turmoil. “All we do now is wait. I’d like to suggest some therapy with Dr. Yates. And I can prescribe a light sedative to help you sleep.”
The room falls silent, and anyone would think he just delivered a death sentence. “This is good news,” he affirms lightly, peering at us. I suddenly feel so ungrateful. “I know you’re disappointed your memory hasn’t fully returned, but it seems you remember all the important things.” Dr. Kepler is grasping at straws because anyone else would be celebrating this remarkable occurrence. “This is really a miracle. Not many people who have suffered your injuries have bounced back this way. With close medical care, I think you’ll be back to your old self in no time.”
“Do you hear that, Samuel?” Kellie gushes, dabbing at her eyes with a white handkerchief. I, on the other hand, can’t help but marvel at the problem at hand—Sam may be the person he once was, but I’m not.
“You’re strong, young, fit, and have a supportive fiancée and family who love you.” This just goes from bad to worse. “It’s the perfect mix for a full recovery.” While Dr. Kepler tries to offer words of encouragement, all it’s doing is making me feel ill. “I’ll see you next week for a follow-up.”
That’s our cue to leave, and I’ve never been happier to escape the small confines than I am right now. Sadly, I’m rooted to the spot when Dr. Kepler adds, “It’ll be wise for you to come too, Lucy.” He reads my hesitation, and his brow furrows. The picture in front of him is such a different one from the day we first met. “If you can, that is.”
All I can do is nod as I push off the wall.
I wish I could show more enthusiasm because Dr. Kepler has gone above and beyond since this entire ordeal started, but each time he affirms that I’m some miracle cure, I want to scream.
“So you think Lucy was the key?” I almost trip over my feet.
Sam appears deep in thought, processing everything he’s just heard. As I take in his defeated appearance, I suddenly feel like the worst person in the world. This push-pull effect is sure to leave me a basket case come nightfall.
“Yes, I think she played a significant role. She never left your side.” I lower my gaze because although what he says is true, I can’t help but think my current predicament cancels that out. “Some may even say the love between you two was the cure.”
Oh, god, I can’t take anymore. “Thank you, Dr. Kepler.” I dash from the room, unable to stomach being in here a moment longer. A bitter medicinal stench may taint the air in the hallway, but I’ll take that over the hysteria festering within me.
Bending at the waist, I place my hands on my knees and take three steadying breaths. I wonder if this heaviness in my chest will ever go away.
