Page 94 of Bad Saint


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I have finally attained my freedom, but it’s too late. What a cruel, cruel world.

“I never wanted this for you, and I’m sorry for everything I’ve done,” he says while I begin to cry. “I’ve done some unspeakable things in my life, but this…” He brushes away my tears with his thumbs. “This is by far the worst thing I’ve ever done. He’s already taken so much from me. Giving you to him…how can I do that when I—” He pauses, wrestling with his words as he stares me deep in the eyes.

“I shouldn’t feel this for you…but I do,” he concludes with sadness while my mouth parts in utter shock. “I don’t even know what this is, but the thought of you and him…” His jaw clenches while a guttural growl gets trapped in his throat.

My mind swirls as his confession has left me a speechless mess.

Saint has just admitted that he too feels this inexplicable connection, and regardless of our current circumstances, I need him to know I feel the same way.

Placing my hand over his, I softly declare, “I feel it too.”

A weight lifts off my shoulders because I suddenly feel free from my oppressive guilt. But Saint takes a step backward, running a hand through his hair. “Then we’re both screwed.”

“Why are you doing this?” I’ve asked him this before, but unlike those times, he’s ready to tell me the truth now.

With hands threaded atop his head, he exhales deeply. “Remember when I told you I don’t get paid in money for doing this?”

I nod once, too afraid to reply.

“Giving you to Popov, I get paid with my…” Everything slows down because all roads lead to this moment in time. “Freedom. Freedom for me and…Zoey. My sister.”

Time comes to a standstill, and the noise quietens.

You’d give up everything for this whore? Zoey would be very disappointed to know that.I know now what Kazimir meant.

“Zoey is yours-sister?” I stumble over my words because I feel like I’ve just swallowed lead.

This is the final piece to the puzzle, the piece I’ve been missing this entire time.

“Yes.”

I stagger backward, covering my gaping mouth with a wavering hand. “So you’ve done all of this for…her? You trade me for your freedom? And for Zoey’s freedom?”

He tips his head back, staring into the heavens. “Yes.”

Oh, god.

The truth has been presented to me. It’s what I wanted all along. I thought once I knew it, I’d understand everything, but I was so wrong.

My legs threaten to buckle, but I wrap my arms around my middle and blink away my tears. “I feel sick,” I whisper, my voice hollow, broken.

“Everything I did was to teach you a lesson because I couldn’t give you to Popov the way you are. He would break you, ah???. Badly. I couldn’t let him do that to you.”

This cruelness is the only kindness I can show you. I can’t deliver you to him with you behaving this way.

Saint’s words play on a loop as I didn’t understand them when I first heard them. But now, I do.

“All the things I did.” He slowly lowers his chin, meeting my eyes. “All the horrible things I’ve done to you…Popov will do to you. But far worse. I wanted to be the one who broke you because I’ve seen what he can do.”

“Why did you sleep with that woman?” I cry, emptily. It wasn’t him needing to get off. And it stemmed far deeper than him simply needing to teach me a lesson.

“Because I was,amcrazy in whatever this is with you…Willow. I needed an outlet. I needed to forget how much I wanted you. And I needed you to see what it will be like.”

My name has never sounded sweeter than right now.

“You are so innocent but so brave. Underneath that strength is a vulnerability Popov will thrive on. He will break your modesty any way that he can because you’re a challenge for him. He is the fox while you are the rabbit. He will hunt you until you’re his. He will force you to watch him do some deplorable things. And other times”—he inhales, closing his eyes—“he will force you to engage.”

My stomach turns. I was right all along.

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