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Alek gently places me onto something soft—leather, I think—and coaxes me to lie down. I go willingly as my will to fight is dead.
Saint is…dead. He is dead because of me.
“Drive,” Alek orders, suggesting that I’m lying in the back seat of a car.
The tires squeal as we take off into the night, our backdrop the burning castle, which once stood tall and proud. The silence is deafening.
“??????? ??????,” Alek mumbles under his breath. “Irony at its best, for what I see before me, is a red valley indeed.”
I have finally uncovered the meaning behind the name, but it doesn’t matter. Everything is lost.
Gone.
Alek brushes his fingers through my hair, and I allow it. I’m too exhausted to fight. What do I have left to fight for? The only reason is gone, and I never got the chance to say goodbye. In my naïve mind, I actually believed we would be okay.
But he always knew to save me, he would have to sacrifice himself.
Closing my eyes, I allow the tears to fall as I express my biggest regret. “I didn’t even say it,” I whisper in a broken voice.
“Say what, a?????”
The name only has me weeping harder. I don’t want him to use it because it was his; it was ours. But to hear it means he will live on forever. In my mind. And in my heart.
“I didn’t even say I…love you back, and now…he will never know.”
“He knew,” Alek says softly, commanding I sleep. And for once, I do what I’m told.
Saint would be so proud.
Day 92
“DOES IT HURT?”
I shake my head because it doesn’t. My skin is numb. So is my mind.
Weeks have passed, but it still feels like yesterday when my world changed forever. I can still hear his voice and see those chartreuse eyes. But as dusk sets upon me, night after night, a small piece of his memory is lost to the wind.
“We’re almost done.”
I wish I could make conversation, but I can’t. It hurts to speak because with words comes questions, questions I don’t want to face. I just want to live in the darkness because I once felt safe here. But I have lost that feeling as I will never be safe again.
“It looks awesome. Take a look.” The man passes me a mirror, but I wave him off. I don’t need to see it. That’s not the reason I got it.
I jump up from the table, paying in cash because I have to be careful not to leave a trail. That’s my life now. Always looking over my shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
A black truck idles by the curb. A foe is now a friend. “All done?” asks Max as I get into the passenger seat. Max was the one who drove us away from the burning mess. He was the one Saint trusted.
I nod, buckling up.
We take the backroads as we can’t be too vigilant now that the hunter has become the prey. A soft song plays over the radio in Russian, and thanks to me studying day and night, I can now recognize some words.
“Alek has been trying to find someone to help. So far, no luck.” No surprise as we’re fugitives now.
The orphanage, which has been my sanctuary, comes into view, and when I look at the high walls, I don’t see them as my prison anymore. I see them as keeping out the noise. Max parks the car around back, using the garage to keep the vehicle out of sight.
We exit in silence, the sun making way for the gray clouds as summer has long passed us by. Sister Albina opens the side gate, peering from left to right before gesturing us in. I hate that my presence endangers them, but I have no other place to go.
I don’t have a passport anymore as it’s back at the villa and god knows what Drew has done with it, so I can’t go to the American consulate. Not that it matters, however, because the moment I stepped within three feet, hoping that maybe the consulate could help, black vans swarmed me, warning me that I’m a wanted woman. I must pay for what I did to The Circle.
