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A slight tremble wracks Alek’s body, but he slowly complies as he kneels feet away.
Inhaling, I ignore the pang of guilt I feel because this is why I had to come back. This is my closure. This is the only way I can leave this country and start my life over again. I couldn’t let anyone else kill Alek because they didn’t deserve the privilege, but I do.
He kidnapped me, humiliated me, and he did so all because he could. Even though his feelings for me are real, I can’t ignore everything he’s done. Every action comes with a consequence, and this is Alek’s. It’s time he paid his dues.
With staggered steps, I hobble toward him, dragging my foot through the snow. Before I met him, I never thought I was capable of the strength I’ve displayed. But the violence I’ve come to learn to survive courses through me now, and I’m afraid it has overthrown the good.
Coming to a stop a few feet away, I rest my armed hand by my side. “I can’t let you live; you know that.”
Alek gradually peers up at me, his gaze never wavering. Kudos to him. But he knew it would always end like this. “I know, which is, in part, the reason I left without saying goodbye. I deserve it. What I did to you, to so many, I can never take back. But I’m a coward. I thought I could run away from the mess I’ve made, but I should have always known you would be the executioner.
“I need you to know that I’m sorry. My feelings for you were always real. And if you can accept that, then I will happily die by your hand. I…love you.”
My heart breaks because at this moment, I realize that in my own fucked-up way…I love him too.
This man was once upon a time the most feared and powerful man in all of Russia. But now, beaten and bruised, he just looks like a victim, like the victims who suffered by his hand.
I’ll allow him this repentance because just as my father offered his flock, I will absolve Alek of his sins. He will go wherever he is destined with some of his soul intact.
“Do you forgive me?” he asks, eyes pleading.
After all I’ve witnessed, I will never be okay, but I will try. I can’t carry this bitterness any longer. Otherwise, all of this would have been for nothing.
With a steady breath, I raise my gun and aim the muzzle at the center of Alek’s forehead. “I forgive you. But I will never forgive myself for all that I’ve done.”
He nods, lowering his head and accepting his fate.
Everything happens for a reason; I need to believe that because once I pull this trigger, the reason Alek is dead will be because of me.
Thinking of every single moment which led me here, I inhale and am about to squeeze the trigger without regret. But the darkness is soon consumed by the light when Saint unhurriedly pushes the barrel of the gun away and stands in front of Alek. I instantly pull back as a blanket of guilt envelops me.
“Don’t do this, ?????.”
I blink once, bewildered by his request. “What?”
When he deliberately raises his hands in surrender, my heart breaks in two. “If you do this, you’ll be lost to yourself for good. Believe me, I know. With each life you take, it takes a piece of yourself also. And before long, you’re left with an emptiness that is so deep, you’ll wish you were dead too.”
My eyes fill with tears, but I don’t allow them to fall. “Saint, move,” I snarl, gesturing with the gun for him to step away. But he doesn’t.
“Killing him doesn’t achieve anything, and I see that now,” he confesses, his face a twisted, heartbreaking mess. “I thought killing him would make me feel better, but it won’t. Killing him won’t bring back the people we’ve lost. Zoey is…dead because Alek decided to save you. I can’t hate him for that.”
His words break me all over again.
“It will help avenge them,” I argue, not understanding why he would protect Alek. Killing him was the only thing driving him for so long, so I don’t understand why he is doing this.
With nothing but guilt, he reveals why a second later. “We’re both guilty of destroying your life.”
“No,” I rebuke, shaking my head fiercely.
“Yes, and if he deserves this punishment, then so do I.”
“But I love you,” I say with a cracked promise. I need him to see that this is different.
“And I love you,” Saint replies sadly. “But Alek loves you too. You can’t blame him for doing the things he’s done to protect you because haven’t you done the same thing for the people you love?”
Check and mate.
He’s right.
