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I’m about to call him out for the arrogant asshole he is, but I’m left astounded yet again.
“We are the same, Saint and me. He has killed as well as I have. He isn’t the good guy. And neither am I.”
“You are worlds apart,” I exclaim, but the walls begin closing in on me.
“I may have bought you, but he kidnapped you. I like bloodshed and so does he. So you’re wrong, sweet ?????. We aren’t so different after all.”
It’s not true. Alek and Saint are nothing alike. So why does everything he just said grate me raw?
“I know you feel something for me.”
I want to deny it, but what would be the point? I’ve admitted it to Saint. I’ve admitted it to myself. “Whatever I feel for you, I am disgusted by it.” I tell him the God’s honest truth.
He winces because my admission is hardly gracious.
“I don’t want you dead. I know that.” And suddenly, I find the perfect analogy to how I feel. It was once said to me, and now, I understand it. Perfectly. “But don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. You have a choice, where I didn’t. If you do this, this is all on you.
“So the answer to your question is, regardless of everything he’s done, I will choose him, always, because he’s always chosen me. Good guy, bad guy, I don’t care because in the end, he’smyguy, and I accept him for what he is. Just as he does me.”
And suddenly, an epiphany hits.
I was so angry with myself for feeling something other than hate for Alek. But now…I get it. I would be inhuman if I didn’t feel something for someone who loves me. I will never,neverlove him the same way, but the fact he can love someone other than himself proves he isn’t a loveless monster.Iwould be the monster if I didn’t show compassion when he has done so with me.
“Everything all right?” Saint enters the barn hesitantly, looking back and forth between Alek and me.
“Yes,” I reply with a small smile because for the first time, in a long time, it really is.
Alek, however, doesn’t agree. “How can you allow him to live after everything he did to you?”
Saint’s nostrils flare as he takes a steadying breath. “Some things are more important than vengeance.”
My heart swells with love because I know he’s talking about me. But Alek is right. I know a small piece of Saint will always be lost in that basement.He says he doesn’t need revenge, but I don’t believe him. And neither does Alek.
“Where is your pride? Your honor?”
“You’re seriously questioningmyhonor after all you’ve done?” Saint snarls, spine rigid.
“You’re hardly a saint,” Alek says, sardonically. “You were never one to walk away from a fight. Especially one that was personal.”
I want to jump in, but I don’t. This has been a long time coming. Just like Zoey and me.
Saint is close to exploding—I can see it—but he keeps his calm for now. “Some battles are not worth fighting, especially ones you’re bound to lose. You can go in there, armed to the teeth, and you’ll still lose, Aleksei. Surely, you can see that.”
Alek is a stubborn son of a bitch, and he shrugs nonchalantly. “At least I will go down fighting. Unlike you. Running away like a scared little mouse.”
“I’m not scared,” Saint snarls, eyes narrowed.
But Alek’s slanted grin challenges his claims. “Suit yourself. Go back to America and live a boring, normal life. But we both know, sooner or later, it won’t be enough. The bloodlust will come calling late at night. And when it does, just remember what you gave up.”
I lower my eyes, saddened by Alek’s words because he’s right. After all we’ve endured, are we fooling ourselves? Is “normal” on the agenda for us? Can I really go back home and start again? The darkness has become a part of me now because secretly, the darkness is where I can dance with demons and not be ashamed.
I never “fit in” with the norm. I was always different. I never knew why that was until I met Saint. I am far stronger than I believed myself to be, and going back to reality scares me more than living this wicked life.
Just who have I become?
“Leave.” One simple word encompasses so much because it’s a warning. Saint has given Alek one chance to leave this barn unscathed.
Alek sighs heavily and goes to turn, but not before he signs his own death warrant. “Suit yourself, friend, but it seems she’s made a fool of us both. She’s brought two powerful men to their knees, but at least you got something for all the trouble she’s put us through.”
