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“That’s the truth, so it is,” I agree. Even though Connor wasn’t my father, he would want me to fight for what is mine. Which has me thinking about Babydoll.
“Babydoll is engaged,” I reveal, while Cian doesn’t seem surprised as he obviously already knew. “She came to see me.”
“Aye, she is. Yer mad at the fact?” he asks, confused. “I mean, she’s yer sis—” But he soon stops, realizing what he just said.
“Naw, she’s not.”
Cian runs a hand through his snarled hair, blowing out a deep breath. “Ach, this is minus craic. What are ye goin’ to do?”
What I want to do versus what I should do are two completely different things.
“She said she’s happy. That he’s a good man.”
Cian nods.
“Sure look, what can I do? She couldn’t be waitin’ around for me, obviously. She still thinks we’re brother and sister, and I want to leave it like that.”
“What?” He gasps in surprise. “Yer not goin’ to tell her? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“No, I’m not. If she’s happy, then so am I. What can I offer her, Cian? A life where she’s constantly lookin’ over her shoulder? My ma lived that life, and that’s what got her killed. I won’t be havin’ that for Babydoll.”
“And what about yer happiness? Yer to live with this secret while watchin’ the woman ye love with another man?”
With a shrug, I reply, “Aye. It’s better this way.”
“Better for who?” he questions.
“For everyone. This is the only way I can keep her safe.”
Cian shakes his head, clearly not on board with this plan. “She’s tougher than she looks. When ye were in prison, she did everythin’ to try to help ya. Nothin’ scared her. She worked until it made her…sick.”
“Sick?” I question Cian, who instantly appears to regret his words.
“All of us suffered in our own personal ways with ya gone, Punky. Babydoll never stopped lovin’ ya, even when she knew she shouldn’t. She was disgusted in herself, thinkin’ ya were her brother and that. I think she needs to know.”
“I tell her, and ya know what happens?” When he doesn’t reply, I continue, “We go back to hurtin’ one another. It seems to be our pattern. We both want to save the other, but it just turns to shite. It’s better this way.
“I need to focus on Sean and Brody. And I can’t do that while worryin’ about Babydoll.”
“And yer okay knowin’ she’s about to marry another man?”
“Aye,” I reply, but it’s a lie. I am not fucking okay. “If he makes her happy, then that’s enough for me. Ye can’t be tellin’ anyone ’bout this, ye hear?”
Cian isn’t fooled, but he doesn’t press. Nor does he share who her fiancé is. “Yer a bigger man than me. If Amber—”
But when he suddenly stops, I realize he’s got a secret of his own. I realize they’ve all moved on while I’ve simply been stuck in time.
“Away on! You and Amber?”
Amber was the twins’ nanny. Cian has always been interested in her. I’m happy he finally got the girl.
“Aye. It’s not…weird?”
“Naw, course not. Why would it be weird?”
Cian shrugs. “Dunno. Thought it might be.”
I know what he means. Amber showed some interest in me, but I never felt that way about her. There was only one doll for me.
