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She doesn’t remove her hand from my shoulder. Instead, she slowly moves it toward my nape and toys with my hair. Her touch is everything I want and need, and I surrender before her.
I place my hand over hers, interlocking our fingers behind my neck. She licks her lips, her cheeks turning a scarlet.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers so softly, I almost didn’t hear her. “I lied. I did call you. And I don’t hate you. I like your stupid face. A lot.”
I don’t know what to say. I thought keeping the truth from her would keep her safe, but as I run my thumb over a raised scar on her wrist, I realize I’ve done the complete opposite. She tries to pull away, but it’s too late.
Furiously yanking her wrist in front of me, a hiss leaves me as I see the pain I’ve caused, in the shape of a three-inch scar. There is a matching scar on the other wrist.
“What’s this?” I ask, gripping her wrist tighter as she tries to escape. “Answer me!”
“Let me go!” she exclaims, writhing madly.
But I will not.
“You did this to yerself? Ye…slit yer fucking wrists, is it?”
Every sense is sharpened as the thought of any harm coming to Babydoll has me losing control.
“Are ya all right, love?” someone asks, their concern clear.
But all I see is a threat, yet another person trying to come between Babydoll and me. I spring to my feet, shoving the man against the brick wall, ready to rip out his fucking throat.
“Punky, no!” Babydoll cries as I feel her frantically trying to pry me off the Good Samaritan.
But I can’t stop.
Rage overtakes me, and until I can hurt someone to expel this pain inside me, I’ll never stop. I elbow him in the face, blood instantly gushing from his nose. The sight only feeds my demons, and they’re hungry for so much more.
Just as I raise my fist, ready to punch away my anger and pain, Babydoll wraps her arms around me and presses her chest to my back.
Her frantic heart is in sync with her words as she pleads, “Please…stop. I can’t lose you again. I’m so sorry. For everything. Please don’t do this.”
Her shaky breaths match mine, and as she squeezes me tighter, begging me to see reason, her demons subdue mine, and I let the man go. He slumps to the ground, groaning in pain.
Ollie appears, obviously hearing the ruckus just outside. “A’ll take care of it,” he orders, looking at the bloody man. “Go before the peelers come.”
He’s right. I can’t be caught here.
Babydoll takes my hand, and we rake down the street, everything a blur as I lead us toward my truck. She’s breathless, and I realize she has no shoes on, but she doesn’t stop or whine. She follows me, protecting me, just how she always has.
I open the door and practically throw her in, sighing in relief when she’s safe. I get behind the wheel, and the truck roars to life as I start it and drive away from a mess which I should have avoided. I know better than to lead with emotion, but this is what happens when Babydoll and I are together.
Our love is toxic and causes nothing but destruction.
No one speaks. We both need a moment to process what just happened.
Babydoll leans her head against the window. “I’m sorry, Punky.”
“Stop apologizin’,” I snap, clenching the wheel. “Y’ve nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes, I do,” she argues, a tremble in her voice. “When you left, you took a part…no, you tookallof me with you. I was so lonely without you, and the worst thing was, I had to stop myself from feeling that way because of what we are.
“I felt so helpless. I wanted to help you, but I didn’t know how. Each letter, each visit which you refused to acknowledge, I just…I lost myself. I know that’s pathetic and weak when you’ve been nothing but strong, but I just…I just missed you. So much.”
I let her vent because I need to know why she’d attempt to end her own life.
“I was at the lowest point in my life, and I thought…I could make the pain, the constant void go away. This was something Icouldcontrol. So like a cliché, I slit my wrists in the bathtub. It’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I was so selfish. I didn’t even leave a note for my mom or my sister. I’m a coward.”
