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“I can’t,” I confess, shaking my head. “He’s a part of me. I’ve told you that.”
Rory snickers, his anger rising. “Aye, that’s ’cause he’s yer brother.”
“I know that,” I reply, not appreciating his snide remark. “But it’s more than that. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Don’tcha do that,” he scolds, eyes narrowed. “Don’t act like I wasn’t there. He was my friend too.”
“Isyour friend,” I amend. “You’re the one who’s pushed him away. You won’t even talk to him.”
“What would ya have me say, Cami? Ten years is a long time. I’ve changed and so has he. I don’t even know what to say to him anymore.”
“What about, hi, how are you?” I offer as I know there is more to this. “You were inseparable once upon a time.”
“We’re not those people anymore,” he states firmly. “None of us are. Nothin’ but trouble follows Punky. I don’t want that life. I’m glad we’re out.”
“You’reoutbecause Punky went to jail so we all could live a normal life,” I say, in case he needs reminding. “He sacrificed his freedom so we could have ours.”
“Ach, don’t be makin’ a martyr outta him,” he snaps. “That was his choice. And besides, if he wasn’t so fucking thran, none of this would have happened.”
I pull back, stunned he would say that. “Are you fucking serious? Have you forgotten we all had a part to play in this?”
“Naw, I cannot forget. Ya won’t allow it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means ya won’t leave things where they belong—in the past! Ya can’t be happy ’cause ye thrive on the drama.”
He may as well have slapped me with his insult. “That’s bullshit. The ‘things’ you speak so flippantly about is a man who lost ten years of his life, rotting alone in a cell because my father forced him to!”
“What d’ya mean?” Rory questions as he doesn’t know the truth. But he’s about to.
“Brody gave Punky an ultimatum—take the fall for the mess weallhad a hand in and give Belfast to him, or he’d make sure we all paid. Punky went to jail to protect us. So that we could live a normal life, away from crime, away from him!”
“I was there. I heard what was said,” Rory exclaims, arms out wide. “But why did he refuse to see us? Why did he not let us help him when we could?”
“Because we only heard part of it. Punky told me what was said when we left—that he was to cease contact with us or Brody would kill us all,” I explain, the truth still angering me beyond words. “If Punky tried to get out of jail, we would pay.
“So, he stayed in there to ensure we could live the life he could not.”
Rory’s shoulders sag as he hears the truth. We were all angry with Punky for refusing to see us, thinking he was just being stubborn. But the truth is, he couldn’t. If he did, Brody would have killed us all.
This whole time, we thought Punky had given up, but he never did. He sacrificed himself to save us. My love for him just grows.
“Fucking hell,” Rory says, clearly surprised.
I decide not to tell him what else I know about Sean being alive, as this isn’t my news to share.
“Cami, I love ya. No matter what’s happened, please see sense. Yer actin’ crazy!”
His disrespect for my feelings maddens me, and it’s out before I can stop myself. “I will never love you how I love him.”
Once the truth surfaces from me, it leaves a bitter aftertaste, one I wish I could wash away. But I can’t. He doesn’t see it now, but I’m saving Rory a lifetime of heartache because he will always be second best.
Rory tongues his cheek, appearing to weigh over what I just spewed forth.
“I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head as this isn’t the way I wanted this to go. “The love I feel for Punky, it goes beyond that. I can’t explain it. I don’t expect you to understand because I don’t understand it myself.”
This is the best way I can explain something which doesn’t make sense.
