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Isit, staring out the window, Rory’s jacket concealing what I did.
I don’t deserve his kindness, but I accepted his jacket when he offered it to me, for my sake as well as his. I didn’t want to rub in the fact that I had sex with his best friend, and I liked it—a lot.
Rory came to me, offering his comfort, and in return, I asked for Punky instead.
Vomit rises, but I swallow it down. I brought this onto myself, and now, my punishment is my sister being taken. I don’t know the details, but neither does Punky. All we’re going off is the panicked voicemail Hannah left.
Punky sits across from me in the back of Rory’s car. I want nothing more than to comfort him because, once again, Sean has outsmarted us. But I can’t.
His foot continuously bouncing and his fists bunched by his sides all hint he’s about to explode.
I don’t understand how Sean knew Hannah and Eva were alone with Ethan. No one knew where Punky was tonight. Punky said Ronan and his men, men Punky said we could trust, were keeping watch over his house, but Sean was still able to get to them.
Whenever we underestimate Sean, he goes and does something like this, punishing us for our carelessness. If anything happens to Eva because of me…
With the subtlest of movements, Punky slides his hand across the back seat and touches my little finger with his. This is the only way he can console me without fucking things up more than we already have.
I don’t look at him, but instead, stroke my little finger against his, a silent thank you for offering me comfort when I don’t deserve it.
When Rory turns into Punky’s driveway, we break apart because everything is about to change.
Punky doesn’t wait for the car to stop. He opens the door and launches out of it, breaking into a sprint to his home. Rory turns off the car, but he doesn’t get out. Cian looks over his shoulder at me, begging I clear the air because we don’t need any more drama to add to the shit pile.
He exits the car and chases after Punky while I stay in the car with Rory. I don’t know what to say because, honestly, there is nothing I can say to excuse what I did.
Do I regret having sex with Punky?
No. It was the first time in ten years I’ve felt alive.
What I regret is hurting Rory the way I did. I wish he didn’t see what he did, as I can only imagine what a kick in the teeth that was for him. I don’t want him to think I ended things because of Punky. He was a reason, but in the end, I did it for me.
And for Rory.
I don’t love him, and pretending that I do is the cruelest thing I could ever do. He doesn’t deserve that, and I know he hates me right now, but I hope one day, he’ll understand.
“Is that why ya ended things? ’Cause of him?”
With a sigh, I shake my head even though Rory won’t look at me. “No, not entirely.”
“So in part then?”
I don’t want to lie to him. “Yes, in part. But I did this for you.”
“Oh, bullshit!” he exclaims, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. “Don’t give me that bollocks. Ya did this ’cause ya never stopped lovin’ him. Even when ya thought he was yer brother.”
I don’t reply because what would be the point?
He’s right.
“I know you hate me.”
“I don’t hate ye,” he counters, his voice cold. “I pity ya, Cami. Y’ll never be happy with him because trouble will always follow Puck. Yer sister is now God knows where ’cause of him, and it won’t stop there.”
“Don’t you dare say that! Eva is my responsibility. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I failed her. I thought she’d be okay.”
“Well, ya thought wrong. Can’t ye see that he’s bad for ya?”
Tears I’ve tried so hard to keep at bay trickle down my cheeks because he’s right. I know being with Punky isn’t going to be easy, but I don’t have a choice. If I could stop loving him, I would have ten years ago.
