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“Puck! I’m in here!” I cry in vain because he can’t hear me, but I can hear him.
“Can I go play now?” Shay asks, clearly not interested in talking to Punky.
“Maybe we can organize another time to meet?” she says.
But he isn’t interested in that idea, it seems. “I don’t want to.”
“Shay! I’m so sorry,” she says, horrified by Shay’s outburst.
“It’s all right,” Punky assures her.
What’s going on?
But Shay doesn’t appreciate her speaking for him, and when I hear a thud, I guess someone just got kicked.
“Boys a dear!” she cries.
But a husky laugh, one which has set my soul on fire, slips free from Punky. “Good for you. Never let anyone force ye to do anythin’ ya don’t want to.”
Shay’s retreating footsteps reveal he’s gone, but his mom and Punky still stand just outside my door. I’m running out of time.
“PUCK!” I scream, flailing madly on the bed.
I twist my body, hoping to make a sound, hoping to do anything which will alert Punky that I’m feet away. But what I hear next has the fight in me dying because I suddenly think that I am.
“I just need to get my head around it, so I do,” Puck explains. “This is a lot to take in.”
“I never wanted to bother ya with this, but Shay is stubborn…just like his dad.”
I flinch at her words.
“Aoife, bring me proof that he’s mine, then we’ll talk.”
Proof that he’s mineplays on a loop while I try to come to terms with what I think is happening.
“He has a right to know who ya are. I don’t want anythin’ from ye.”
“Aye, y’ve said that, but ye need to understand where I’m comin’ from.”
I do the math. Shay was conceived when Punky was in jail. Did he have conjugal visits? Did he see Aoife instead of me? I dedicated my life to him while he was getting his dick wet—nice.
“Yer quick to defend him, but do ya really know him?”
That’s what Sean once said to me. I played it off as just another one of his mind games, but I now realize he’s right. I don’t know Punky at all. He failed to mention he had a son, which I can excuse as it’s clear he hasn’t met him until today.
But did he know he existed? Was he trying to keep him safe as he was with us? It’s what Punky does best—protect the ones he loves.
I can’t help but feel betrayed that he had no qualms seeing anyone bar me when in prison. I understand he was trying to protect us, but the fact he saw Aoife makes me feel sick inside.
I know I moved on with Rory, but Shay’s age reveals Punky was with someone else way before Rory and I ever hooked up. I was pining for him, putting my life on hold while I tried to free him, all the while he was fucking some other woman.
I can’t help but feel betrayed.
“I understand. You know all I’ve ever done was care about ya.”
“I know that. And I don’t deserve it. Yer a good woman, Aoife. Ya saved me in prison. Time and time again.”
Each word is just another kick to the chest, and my heart shatters into a million irreparable pieces.
