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Finally, she turns around, locking eyes with me. I’m unsure how we got here, to this place where it’s hard to breathe. “Of course, it is. But I’ve come to learn, I can’t command the actions of anyone. I tried that, and people died.”
She flinches. “Do you know how it felt, leaving her behind? Her taking my place and putting her life in danger for me?”
“Aye, I do,” I reply solemnly. “That’s what youse have done for me. That’s whatyou’vedone for me, time and time again. I didn’t want youse a part of this, but yer the one who told me ye wanted yer revenge too. I’m tryin’, Cami. I’m really fucking tryin’.”
My desperation bursts from me because I don’t know what she wants me to say anymore.
“Trying what?” she questions, arms folded.
“I’m tryin’ to do right by everyone! I’m tryin’ not to be the bad guy. I’m tryin’ to be the man my ma and Connor would be proud of. And I’m tryin’ to be a man who is worthy of yer love!”
She pales, taken aback by my outburst. But I can’t help it. I feel like I’m losing myself—piece by piece.
“When I didn’t know where ye were,” I confess, begging she believes me. “When I didn’t know if you were dead or alive…I wanted to fucking end it. I wanted to give up. It was the first time in my life that I ever felt helpless…and that’s what you make me—I am helpless without you.
“You own me, Camilla. I am nothin’ without ye. I know everythin’ is fucked up. I know you probably wish ye’d never met me. If I could change that, I would. I want ya to live a normal life—away from this. Away from me.
“I am so fucking sorry this has happened. I wish I could change it, but I can’t, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
I’ve never felt more helpless in my entire life.
“I don’t think it can ever be fixed,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself.
My heart sinks because I don’t know what she means. But what I do know is that I can’t let her go without a fight. So much has happened, and this was bound to take a turn sooner or later.
I got out of prison. She was engaged, then she wasn’t. She thought we were kin, only to find out that we weren’t. I killed her father and her fiancé. She was kidnapped, held captive by the woman I fucked, and set free by my son.
We were running on fumes, but now, with the end almost in sight, we need to get this all out in the open because it’s the only hope we have at surviving this.
She sighs, defeated. But I won’t give up—not when she never gave up on me.
I storm toward her, her wide eyes confirming she can’t read me either. But when I drop to my knees before her in surrender, there is no mistaking my feelings.
“Please forgive me for everythin’ I’ve done. I should have told you we weren’t kin. I shouldn’t have tried to save you because ye can save yerself. I’m sorry for killin’ yer dad. I’m sorry for killin’ Rory.”
It’s the first time I’ve apologized for Rory’s death, and it’s because it’s the first time I’ve meant it.
“If given the choice again…I would choose differently. But I’ll live with that guilt for the rest of my life,” I confess, watching as tears trickle down her cheek. “I’m sorry for every single time I made you cry. I am just so fucking sorry.
“I have no right to ask for yer forgiveness, but I need it. I needyou.”
A sob escapes her, which she mutes behind her hand.
“I love you, Babydoll. I always have. And I need you to love me back. I cannot survive this if ya don’t. I know that’s not what most would say, but I’m not most. I can’t give ya a choice because I need you…so fucking much.
“I know I sound like a buck eejit. A desperate man who is beggin’ for yer love, and that’s ’cause I am. This started with revenge, but I want to end it with love—our love. It’s why I’m givin’ this all away. I just…I just want to grow aul’ with you.”
I can’t stop the words that spill from me. I want Babydoll to know that she makes me vulnerable, and I’m okay with that.
She doesn’t speak. She simply drops to her knees too.
This moment is unguarded—just Babydoll and me against the world. We’re beaten and bruised, a sure sign we were stronger than whatever tried to beat us, but together, we are unstoppable.
“I love you too.”
Those four words are a salve to my soul.
“Everything is just so fucked,” she confesses, her lower lip trembling. “And I am so afraid. What if we don’t win? What if this has been for nothing?”
