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Placing a Marlboro between my lips, I light it and relish in the first much-needed drag. I rest my elbows on the railing and look at the world below, hating how everything looks so simple for everyone while I’m up shit creek without a paddle.
There was always something more, and I was foolish to choose sex over her because that’s what I did. I could have had Madison, but I chose the easy way because sex is less complicated than…feeling. But now, all I feel is my resolve slipping whenever I’m around this remarkable woman.
“Dixon?” Madison’s voice softly sounds behind me.
Taking a final drag, I butt out my smoke and brush away the nicotine-filled air. “Hey,” I reply, but I don’t turn around. I just stare at the world spinning below.
“I’m sorry if I upset you. I shouldn’t have asked. I know how hard it is talking about something life-changing that’s happened in your past,” she confesses, and I nod but still don’t turn around.
I can hear her bare feet pad across the ground, and when she stands beside me, I feel the regret radiating off her body.
“It’s okay.” I slowly turn to face her.
Out here in the moonlight, she looks so ethereal and pure. Her long, dark hair catches in the slight breeze, and her signature fragrance once again has my sense of smell salivating in desire. Her large green eyes look apprehensive and scared, and I realize she’s worried I’m angry with her.
“It really is okay. I’m not angry with you,” I confirm, giving her a small smile.
“Are you sure?” she anxiously questions, biting her lower lip.
“I’m sure.” I nod. “Lily is…a touchy subject for me. She’s someone I really want to forget, but I know I never will. But in a way, that’s good, as it’s a reminder of what to avoid in my next partner.”
Madison looks deep in thought, but I don’t expect her to reply because what can she say—get over it, perhaps?
Just as I suggest we go back inside, Madison surprises me by confessing, “Well, she’s a fucking idiot.”
I pull back, stunned, as Madison rarely swears, but I smile, appreciating her impassioned response. “It’s fine. You live and you learn,” I say, which is clichéd but holds some truth.
Madison, however, doesn’t agree with the saying. “That’s bullshit,” she scowls, lightly thumping her fist against the railing.
I’m surprised by her statement and allow her to explain.
“What lesson did you learn from getting your heart ripped out by the one person you loved and trusted the most?” she asks, but I know her comment is not a question but a statement.
I remain quiet because I know there’s more to come.
“What lesson did you learn from her betraying you in unspeakable ways?”
Madison’s breath begins to catch in her throat, and when a choked sob tries to break free, she puts a hand over her mouth, not wanting to show any vulnerability.
“All you learned is that life is one messed-up, sadistic bitch.” A single tear falls down her cheek, betraying the fact that we’re no longer talking about me but rather her.
The need to comfort her is overpowering, and I’m powerless to stop it. “Hey, it’s okay.” I gently rub her arm and watch more tears fall.
It appears now that they’ve started, they don’t seem to want to stop. But that’s okay; she can cry a river of tears because I have no intention of moving an inch.
“Let it out,” I say, and without thinking, I step forward and embrace her.
She comes willingly, nuzzling into my body, and the moment I comfort her, the soundless sobs begin to rack her fragile frame.
Her tiny fingers dig into my shoulders while she cries into my chest. I’m not sure how long we stand with her clutching at me like I’m her lifeline, but I don’t care. She can hold onto me for as long as she likes because each cry seems to lessen her pain.
After a while, her sobs become less frequent until they gradually turn into small sniffles and then heavy breathing. Idon’t know what’s set this off, but it may explain her unusual behavior earlier.
“I’m s-sorry,” she stumbles, her voice small and plagued with discarded tears.
“Why on earth are you apologizing?” I ask, my arms still enclosing her.
“For behaving like one of your patients,” she replies, attempting to appear lighthearted.
