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Diana sat with her back against the door and held hell-dog in her lap. I cajoled, “You know you want it...” We let the patty lay on the wax paper while we enjoyed our stuff. That was, until the lady and her kid came back with bags in hand. Diana held up the dog. “Haven’t you ever had to feed an animal on the road?” The woman turned twenty shades of red and sped off. She probably wrote down my license plate number.
Since Diana mentioned her father had a soft spot for his hounds, I figured we’d play up pampering the mutt, though I didn’t get what that had to do with gambling. But I wanted to impress the old man, and I put some soul into it. “So, this dog is not touching the meat but jumped into my lap and stole the ice cream from my cone. The little guy apparently loved soft serve, so of course, I let him have all of it.”
Duckworth nodded and I embellished our day at the beach with happy frisbee games and soft-serve treats. The truth was partly that, and partly adult games.
We made a shady bed for Henri under my folding chair, put the handle of his leash under one metal leg, and anchored the whole thing with a knot of driftwood. That’s when it got good. Well, it didn’t get good immediately.
She’s a talker. She threw twenty questions at me like we were speed dating. “Catsup or mustard? Salty or sweet snacks? Beer, or wine?”
What was she thinking? I know what I was thinking, it was about the cutoff jean shorts she wore, that had about an inch at the most in the crotch. They hung on her slim hips as if held on by magnets. What was under that distressed denim? Half-formed minds wanted to know.
Diana dipped dainty toes into the chilly water and ran back to me. She skittered forward again, and we both played tag with the rolling waves as they encroached the beach. Laughing, we stayed a little too long on one approach and a wave knocked her into me. We stumbled backward and landed together in the wet sand. Another wave hit, From Here to Eternity style and I was pushed to my back. She had nowhere to go but down on top of me. Thanks, King Triton.
The ocean sucked the waves back out as Diana scrambled to right herself. But she was clearly straddling me when the next waves hit her. She squealed, and I couldn’t help throwing my arms around her, to roll us out of the wave’s path and right into my kiss. We kissed, then we kissed some more. All the while the dog is losing his mind barking at us. That made me want to roll her over and kiss her again. I suppose it was when he began to howl, and passersby started to intervene, that I broke the make-out session, and pulled Diana to her feet. We sprinted back to the dog who resumed growling at me while pawing Diana’s calf.
She laughed, sat beside him, and pulled him into her lap. “Were you up here alone, little guy? I’m sorry, we won’t leave you again.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. I’ll put you in a box, poke holes in it and mail you back to Bluto’s mom. At this point, I don’t know who was shivering more, Diana or the dog. “Cold? Need a hot shower? We can head to that motor court you talked about.”
Diana plucked up the dog and we made a run for it.
Earnestly seeking Duckworth’s approval, I adjusted our story. “We were cold and tired, so we decided to stay the night at the Oasis motel since Diana knew the owners.”
This fell flat by the expressions Betina, and Duckworth exchanged. “I stayed in a room with the dog, and Gid slept in his VW bus,” Diana volunteered. Betina gave her an exaggerated eye roll.
“The bus is actually pretty comfortable with a blanket…” I finished lamely. Judging from the look on ole Duckworth’s face, I thought the daughter might not fall far from mom’s knee.
Betina’s body language couldn’t have been more forbidding. “I’ll pretend I believe that. So that’s why I couldn’t get you at the Inn?”
Through it all, Diana maintained an air of cheerful innocence. I hate to think about what I looked like. Duckworth folded his arms over his chest. “I’m going to have to give this some thought. Betina…” He held out his hand. “Please excuse us.”
I remember Diana having that same air of innocence as she registered at the motel front desk. Once inside this monument to 1960s motor courts, Diana did a complete turn and winced. “Can you run up to the grocery and pick up some real dog food, wine coolers, and snacks? I’ll be showered, warm, and dry by the time you get back.”
I palmed the car keys while wishing a curse on the damn dog. If not for him, I’d be in that warm shower too. It was a scrap of a grocery store; grocery was too grand a name for it. But they did have wine coolers, prepared snacks, candy, and my personal favorite ultra-thin, lubricated latex-free condoms. I was still over the moon about the quality of condoms when I found the Mighty Dog. They also, interestingly, had a product by the name of Calm Doggie. Supposedly a proprietary blend of calming herbs ‘to lull your dog into puppy peace.’ I didn’t know about Henri, but between the condoms and Calm Doggie, I was seeking puppy peace. I bought two bottles.
As I was pulling into the motel parking lot, my cell rang. It was Bluto. “Hey, man, where’s the dog?”
“As if you care,” I snapped. “The little bastard is with me. I’m in a motel at Stinson Beach, and I’ll be back on Sunday.”
“Ideal, man.”
I scowled. “I guess it is for you. When I get back, I get to upload all your music into my iPod, you little prick. I could kill you.”
“Man, that’s like nine hundred c.d.’s.”
I snorted. “Consider it friend security.” I heard laughter and general mayhem in the background. I was thrilled to be here, away from that. The dog, not so much.
Bluto hushed someone and came back to the phone. “Did you leave any beer money?”
I wished I could have slammed a real phone receiver down on this dude. I just closed the call. When he dialed back, I turned off my phone.
Shoving into the motel room, the winged bastard flew at me from the bed. He was on my ankles like Cujo. With a hop, I made it to the first bed in the room and spread out my goodies. Diana strolled in from the bathroom wearing nothing but a sleep shirt over long, tanned legs. I swallowed hard as she cocked a hip and leaned against the bathroom door frame combing her hair.
“Did you get premium dog food?”
“What?” I shook my head. Snap out of it Gid. “I was lucky I got this.” I held up three cans of Mighty Dog. “I found something to give ole Henry puppy peace.” I tossed the bottle to Diana. “You’re taking chemistry, have a look at this.”
She read the bottle. “I don’t recognize these herbs, but that’s not chemistry.” She tossed the bottle back to me. “Won’t hurt to try. Just follow the directions.”
