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I gaped at her. Of all the things I thought she was going to say, I definitely had not been expecting that.
“Fuck, Pip, I’m sorry. Are you okay? When did this happen?”
“I’m okay, for the most part. We’ve been having problems for a while. We gave counseling a try but it just seemed to solidify the decision to separate. We made the official decision earlier this week, but won’t tell the kids until after Christmas. I’ll be relieved when it’s all out in the open. It’s been difficult keeping it all a secret.”
“I’ll bet.”
“I feel like maybe it has something to do with Chase ending things between you two.”
“How could it have anything to do with—wait, she knew?”
Pip nodded. “I told her we’d been having problems after Sav’s birthday. I didn’t mean to, it just came out. Then I turned up on her doorstep on Tuesday night like a sobbing mess because I didn’t know where to go. I shouldn’t have asked her to keep it to herself, but I wasn’t ready for everyone to know yet, I was scared, I suppose. Still am.”
Tuesday night. Pip was at Chase’s on Tuesday night. That was the thing that came up. Pip, whose relationship had just ended. I wasn’t about to put this all on Pip, but it definitely explained her sudden need to go slow. Not that this knowledge was going to help me change her mind, though.
“You asked her—”
“Not to tell anyone.” Which was why she never explained what ‘came up’. “I’m sorry, Mack, I was still coming to terms with everything, and I wanted to tell you myself.” She paused and took a large gulp of her wine. “Honestly, I half expected her to tell you.”
“She didn’t. She wouldn’t do that,” I said, trying to keep up with the crush of thoughts rolling through my head. I wanted to go to her and tell her I understood, I understood why she was so scared, I understood why she thought we wouldn’t work. But also that she waswrong. I couldn’t, though. Because I didn’t want to have to convince her. I wanted her to figure it out herself.
“For what it’s worth…” Pip covered my hand with hers and gave it a squeeze. “I do think she’ll come around.”
“Thanks.”
“What’s her alternative? She never speaks to you again? We both know she’s not capable of that. And, even though she said she wanted to be friends, I don’t know if that's what she really wants, either. I think she knew where she stood with you, and then you tipped it on its head. She needs time to adjust.”
I nodded and sipped my substandard eggnog. I really fucking hoped she was right.
35
CHASE
I had neverin my life been so angry with one Milton Alfred Carmichael Kent.
Part of me was quite sure I was being unreasonable, but I didn’t care. He told me he loved me, wasin lovewith me. He said that he wouldn’t leave. Swore that it didn't matter what I did, he’d be there. And then he fucking left! Flew across the country to get away from me.
I knew this, not because he told me but because when Micky turned up on Boxing Day she made an offhand comment about how she wished she could be sunning herself in LA, too, rather than trudging through the snow. I nearly took her head off. He went to LA without a word. Withoutme.
It had been days. Almost a fucking week. And I hadn’t heard from him. Not one word. It was slowly killing me. But it was my own fault. I’d let my heart get all squishy even knowing it was going to hurt like hell (and it did). I’d let myself hope that we could bemore.
What did hoping for more get you? A lot fucking less, as far as I could tell. Because not only had I lost his kisses and his hands and his outstanding dedication to making me come, I’d lost the rest of him, too. The quiet comfort. The unwavering confidence. The goofy smiles. I’d lost my best friend. And I didn’t know what to do about it.
No amount of apologizing was going to get him to change his mind, I already knew that, which meant I was having to come to terms with a life where Mack wasonlymy business partner. Even that was optimistic. He didn’t need his half of the bar, he might choose to sell and cut ties with me altogether. He might move to LA with Nash and the two of them could live out their days surfing and cooking.
My lip wobbled as I blinked at the ceiling. He was getting Nash in the divorce, I could already feel it. They’d been friends before I wandered into the girls bathroom. They had more history, more in common with their rich, snobby, shitty parents.
I pulled myself up before I went too far down the spiral. One loss at a time was all I could deal with at the moment. Besides, I might still be able to work on Nash.
If anyone noticedthat I was slowly caving in on myself, they didn’t say so. Even Christmas as part of the Linden-Davis blended household wasn’t as bad as I’d been expecting. I kept my shit together through the entire event. No one brought up my appalling Thanksgiving behavior. Prescott was thrilled with his whiskey and Lachlan got me a cocktail recipe book ‘for fresh inspiration’. I thanked him with my wide, dead smile as I sipped my wine.
Then I got home and cried my face off while eating Mack’s ice cream on the kitchen floor like a tragic cliche of a woman.
I’d done that most nights since I learned he went to LA. The fact he still wasn’t back was lending more weight to my theory that he was going to abandon me and our bar for greener pastures where he could surf in the sun all year round. He’d probably love it there. I couldn't even begrudge him that, because surfing in New York in December had been awful. Until I got to warm up in the shower, that had made it all worthwhile, but I was not thinking about that right now. Or maybe ever again. Because it hurt. It hurt way too much.
Despite the hollow, gaping feeling in my chest, I still believed—hoped, fuckingprayed—that I had made the right decision in ending things between us. But there was no point letting my mind race around the same thoughts and regrets. Nothing was going to change until I saw him again, assuming he spoke to me before he moved to Malibu permanently and married surfer Barbie (in my head her name was Brittany and she was stunning).
My buzzer went off and I stared accusingly at my front door. The only person I wanted to see right now would not be buzzing.But he wasn’t here, he was in LA meeting Brittany the surfer Barbie.
