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“Because I know you like coffee and cinnamon buns?” I didn't think she meant for it to come out as a question, but it did all the same. God I wanted to wrap her up, pull her inside and let the coffees go cold making up for the night we’d spent apart, but I was trying really hard to play it fucking cool. “I even went to Cream and Sugar,” she added. “Harley coffee …”
“I figured I’d just see you at Rudi later.” A lie. But she didn’t need to know I was charging out to see her when I pulled open the door and found her standing there.
“I—” She cleared her throat, took a step closer to me, jasmine and lime mixing with the cinnamon and coffee. “I guess I couldn’t wait that long to see you. Not when I should have been waking up next to you.” They were the exact words I wanted to hear, and I hated that I didn’t immediately trust them.
“What came up?”
The pause was long enough that I knew whatever she was about to say was going to be a lie, and because Chase was an awful liar it wasn’t going to be a good one. “Just things. But it’s all fine now.” She wasn’t even trying to make me believe it.
“Just things.Just. Things. Are you serious? Chase, you’re going to have to do better than that. You can tell me what’s going on, whatever it is.” I gripped my arms tighter to keep from reaching for her. She had to know she could tell me anything. When did she start keeping secrets? Was it hypocritical for me to be pissed at her for keeping secrets when I was keeping one from her, too?
“Nothing’s going on,” she said, her voice strained. It was herplease let this conversation be overvoice. But I couldn’t drop it so easily, not when the uncertainty was still eating me alive.
“Chase.”
Her shoulders sagged. “Can I at least come inside?” I stepped back, giving her enough room to pass, but not so much that she could do it without touching me. She went to the kitchen, dropped the bag on the counter then fished out an enormous cinnamon bun. I snatched it off her before she could take a mouthful that would render her mute for a good two minutes.
“Start talking.”
She waved me off as she shrugged off her red coat, revealing one of my old hoodies underneath. “There’s nothing to talk about, honestly, everything is fine.”
“You are the worst liar.” I put down the gooey, sweet-smelling bun and rounded the island. She took a step back and came up against the opposite counter, trapped. “Chase.”
She looked everywhere but at me as I leaned in and caged her with my arms. I wasn’t going to let her run away from this, run away from me.
“Chase ...”
“I freaked out,” she said to her hands, which she was wringing in the sleeves of my hoodie. Her voice was low and shaky, and my heart just about broke.
“Why?” I asked, though I already had an idea of why.
Her hands flew up so quickly she almost hit me in the face. “Because–because this is all moving so fast!”
“It took three weeks from when you first agreed to go on a date with me for us to see each other naked and you’re saying that’s fast?”
“You know what I mean.” She was speaking to my chest.
“Do I?”
After a small growl and another agitated breath she said, “Yes, you do. My …feelingsare moving too fast.” Her eyes met mine, deep and sincere and that look punched me square in the chest. “And it’s scary,” she continued. “Because I don’t think you understand how fucking bad I am at all of this.”
“I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit.”
She jabbed my shoulder. “I don’t think you’re taking me seriously.”
“I am, I swear, but I think you’re over-complicating, over-dramatizing.” I recognized the irony of this statement when I’d been tripping my way down a dread spiral since receiving her text yesterday.
“Until two days ago, I had never showered with another person.”
“And I am honored to have been your first.” My arms curled around her back as her hands came to rest on my pecs. I ducked my head to look her in the eye. “I know this is going to take some work, some … adjustment. But we can move as fast or as slow as we want. We’re the ones that make the rules, Chase, no one else.” I didn’t want to take it slow. I wanted to barrel ahead and move her into my place and wake up next to her every morning but, in order to do those things at some point in the future, I needed to chill the fuck out now.
“How slow?” she asked, eyes narrowing.
“Glacial.”
Her lips pursed. “That’s pretty slow.”
“It is.”
