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Glacial. That’s what Mack had said. Unfortunately, no amount of slowing things down would change the tick-tocking of our inevitable end. The fact he was oblivious to it was both maddening and a relief all at once.
I side-stepped a woman pushing a double-wide stroller as my thoughts continued to race. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were just delaying the inevitable, dragging out the heartbreak, and making it that much harder to go back to how we were before. The idea that it was already too far gone, that we wouldn’t be the same, was not one I was letting myself consider. But it was there all the same, laughing at me, daring me to imagine being near him without touching and kissing.
That was the other problem with slowing down. There was a very large part of me that didn’t actually want to. That part—including my vagina and, more concerningly, my heart—wanted Mack. All day. Every day. As mine,reallymine.
I shoved the thoughts aside. All of them. Because right now I was going to focus on giving Mack his Christmas present. The thought came to me a couple of weeks ago and, despite worrying I wouldn’t be able to pull it all together in time, the last item was sitting on my doorstep when I arrived home yesterday. Now, I just had to pray he liked it. I’d been so sure of it initially, but as soon as I said out loud that I’d outdone myself, too, the doubts immediately started to swarm in my head.
Mack leapt off the couch as I let myself in, a grin splitting his face in two. God, I loved him so much it physically hurt, like some kind of sharp object was embedded in the center of my chest. That couldn’t be healthy, could it? The thought that our end might rip me in two, and it wouldn’t be a clean wound, it would be ragged and messy, the kind that never quite heals right.
“Prepare to be outdone, Cheese,” he said, rubbing his hands together; the muscles in his forearms twitched in response.
“I don’t think so,” I shot back with far more confidence than I felt. What little there was dropped another couple of pegs when I spotted the two brightly wrapped boxes sitting on the coffee table. Two! And they were big. What the hell was in them? My fingers tightened on the package I held as I stopped a couple of feet away. This was ridiculous, I’d never felt this nervous giving him a gift before. He was going to like it. He had to like it.
“So, how do you wanna do this?” he asked, eyes sweeping down to my feet then back up. Was he making it sound sexual on purpose, or was it just my brain making it that way?
“Same time?” I said as casually as possible, while my heart thumped hard against my ribs.
“Same time it is.” He dropped down on the couch and waited, an expectant look on his gorgeous face, as I joined him.
With a steadying breath, I handed over his gift and he slid the two large boxes towards me.
I couldn’t stop the smile that tugged. “What the hell have you done?”
“Open it and see.” He said with a wink and I shook my head, pulling the boxes closer. Even as I tore at the wrapping, I watched him out of the corner of my eye, with my heart in my throat.
“What is this?” he asked, voice low and just a little shaky. I abandoned my own gifts and turned to him, needing to see his face, needing to know that I hadn’t stepped over a line he wasn’t comfortable with. I didn’t think we had those anymore, but he was stubborn and scared, almost as much as I was.
“It’s … it’s you, if you want it to be.”
He held up the sample menu, the logo I’d had designed sitting proud at the top of the page. “You—” The sentence went no further and my stomach churned. Long moments passed as he stared, at the piece of paper in his hand and me in turn. If he didn’t say something soon, I was going to need a drink, a big one.
“Chocolate espresso. Apple cheddar. Salted honey. Bourbon pecan. Chase’s sweet potato.”
I nodded, nibbling my lip. “There’s ice cream on the back.”
His eyes went glassy and he let out a soggy sort of laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I know you’re scared of doing it for real, but … I guess I wanted to show you what it could be.”
“That’s a food truck,” he said, holding the poorly photoshopped picture up. I nodded again, not trusting my voice. I had almost contacted Hunter about the one he mentioned a couple of weeks ago, but I’d resisted, just. It had felt like a step too far, even for me and my unwavering faith in the man in front of me.
“Chase, I—”
Unable to take even the small amount of distance between us, I nudged the rest of the items onto the couch beside him and climbed into his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning in until our noses bumped. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, I just–I wanted you to see what I see. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not worthy of this, like you just have to go along with what other people want for you. You deserve to go after your dreams, even if they scare you, Mack. You are intelligent and capable, and fucking remarkable, exceptional—there aren’t enough words for me to explain how much I admire and adore you.” I almost told him I loved him, I’d said it before, more times than I could count, but saying it now, like this, it carried a different kind of weight. “And if you want to do this, really do it, I will be right there next to you, tasting every single thing and doubling the size of my ass, if need be.”
His arms curled around my back and he buried his face in my neck, wet eyelashes brushing my skin. “I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled.
“You deserve the world, Mack, and I will give you as much of it as I can.” I squeezed him tighter, letting my fingers comb through his hair.
I lost track of time as we sat like that, clinging to one another, and I counted his heart beats drumming against my chest.
“There’s more, you know?” I said eventually and his head popped up, eyes ringed with red and eyelashes still stuck together in clumps.
“I don’t know if I can take anymore.”
I cupped his face and brushed a kiss across his lips. “You can, besides, the last bit is my favorite.”
Curiosity glinted in the blue depths of his eyes. “Is that right?”
