Page 11 of Heartsick


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I scrunched my nose as I sniffed and caught a whiff of the bucket a few feet away. King Windre didn’t so much as take a shallow breath, even though I knew it reeked. Embarrassment warmed my cheeks when I thought about how that stench came from my body. So partially, it was a relief that he didn’t seem to mind. How kingly of him to be so polite.

“I imagine though, that what I’m about to ask you will hurt quite a bit, should you know the answer,” King Windre continued.

“But the answer is more important than my pain, I’m sure.”

“It would seem that it is.”

“If you must say it, get on with it.” I clenched my fists, preparing for the worst. Would it be something so painful my body moved without a thought? Would I find my face pressed against the bars once more as I scrambled to get out of my iron cage?

With a dip of his head, he continued. “Do you know how to destroy the token?”

I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for pain to lace through my bones and run rampant through my veins. Nothing happened. Nothing happened because I didn’t have an answer. There was nothing in my magic bound oath that could keep me from answering. No one had the answer to this. At least if they did, they hadn’t cared to share it.

An idea bloomed in my mind. A seed that grew into a flower of deception.What do I want most in the world? My freedom from my queen. Who had presented me with the opportunity to get it? Queen Atarah. What do I need to do? Get the token.

I wasn’t attached to these people. Not really. I shouldn’t be, anyway. Red didn’t care enough to talk to me, so there wasn’t a tether any longer. I could lie. I could lie my way into my freedom and all I had to do was act.

It had been a moment of silence where I sat thinking with my eyes scrunched up and my hands balled before me. A delayed reaction, but I groaned through my teeth and arched my back like my life depended on it. In some ways it did. Thirsty and desperate, I poured my rage and desire into a startling scream.

I snapped my eyes open and stared at the wall like it was Randsin taking the love of my life. My mouth fell open and closed. If I could make myself foam at the mouth I would have. Every movement felt forced but familiar. It was all things that could, and had at one time, happened during a painful spell of my binding to the queen.

“I…can’t answer that,” I wheezed.

“And why not?” he tutted.

“You have…you have to…I can’t.” I melted against the wall, making sure to keep a hint of pain in my features. “I can’t say it. It’s the most tightly bound secret.” Slowly, I tipped myself over and rolled to my stomach, and brought my hands and knees under me. Crawling toward him, I lowered myself to nothing. To have a shot at what I wanted most there couldn’t be anything I would not do.

“Please,” I whimpered, “please, I want it destroyed too.” I lowered my face, screaming into the dirt that flew away in the cloud of my breath. “If you give it to me, I will destroy it and you can watch.”

But not really. Because I wouldn’t really destroy it. I’d pass it back to my queen in exchange for my freedom and then I’d get as far away from her and everyone else as I could manage. The guilty thought made my stomach knot with real pain. I didn’t have to fake the way I held my hand over my abdomen and flinched at the feeling.

“That’s a thought that I’ll think about thinking on.” King Windre didn’t look very impressed with the show I was putting on. Somehow though, there was still sadness in his eyes. Pity. King Windre pitied me and I could use that against him.

“My queen is cruel, and if she gets the tokens she will come for your world and destroy it like she has ours. The realm you once visited has only spiraled into destruction.”

I panted, pulling myself up to King Windre’s feet. Today he wore woven sandals that exposed his well-manicured feet. He took a step back and lowered his chin to watch my groveling. Fuck me for lowering myself to this.

“I’m more concerned about the evil rulers in my realm at the moment.”

Desperation gurgled in the pits of my stomach and gathered sweat in my palms. One shot. I had one shot.

“If you want to protect your realm now, you better be prepared. She’s already sent another. He is wicked and unbothered by innocent death, and he is heading your way.” Admittedly, I played into the dramatics as I dragged my gaze up his body and locked eyes with him.

“You’re giving me lots to ponder, I’ll give you that.” He cracked an uneven smile. “Do you have anything that can help me in the here and now? If you can prove to be an honest man, I may be able to give you your chance at destroying this bloody token.”

My whispered thank you was as genuine as it could get. Yes, thank you, King Windre, for this opportunity. “The only thing I can help you with at this time is to advise you of my correspondence with Princess Maggie and King Ottack. At this rate, they are probably concerned with my lack of response—”

“I’ve been writing your letters,” King Windre interrupted with a dull tone.

“Oh,” I managed in surprise. Quickly, I gathered myself. “The more important detail is that I think we may have some sway with the princess.”

“As in?”

“As in, she is too much like her father; she’s greedy. Not to mention, she badly wants to lead the Obtune Court’s army and daddy dearest refuses.” I lean further into the bars and let out a long, low sigh like the pain of his question is finally fading. The cool iron bars were gritty in my palms. The collected dirt did little to disturb me, given the circumstances.

“Alright then.” His lips didn’t lift in a smile any longer. Seriousness that wasn’t edged with dark anger looked weird on him, this version of King Windre that he kept hidden from the world.

My foot left a trail behind me in the dust as I pulled myself up to stand. The promise of something intriguing still hung between us in the air.

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