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I hear the click of the door opening again, and I lazily turn my head in that direction, cracking one eye open.
Oh, good, it’s just Emily again with a little paper cup in her hand. “Here you go, Ashley,” she says, handing me the cup with three little pills, along with my Styrofoam cup of water.
“Thanks.” I toss back the pain killers and wash them down with the fresh, cold water.
“Just rest, and I’ll be back in a little while with your discharge papers for you to sign. You won’t be able to drive, so do you have a ride? Will one of your friends out there be taking you? I’ll have to leave them with instructions for watching you.”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not sure who is, or where I’ll be going actually.” Even I can hear how pathetic I sound.
“Would you like me to ask them? They’re all sitting out there, and I don’t think they’re leaving.” She smiles, thinking that’ll cheer me up or something.
“Sure. I just want to be alone right now, though.”
“Of course.” She nods. “I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
The moment I hear the door click closed, the tears I’ve held in for the past twenty-four hours pour from eyes, and my body starts shaking violently.
I’m still so cold. Why can’t I get warm?
I pull the thin blanket over my shoulders, but the shivers still rack my body as I cry harder than I have in the past eight years.
The sounds coming from me are foreign to my ears, but I can’t help it. Everything has been building in me for such a long time, and I can’t take it anymore.
Loud voices and scuffling from out in the hall remind me where I am, but I can’t help it.
“What do you mean I can’t go in there?” I hear Ryan’s muffled, angry tone, through the door. “I can hear her crying! She needs me.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but she asked to not be disturbed. She’s resting.”
“She’s not resting.” He growls. “Do you not hear her?”
“I’m sorry, sir. The patient has the right to deny visitors.”
“Fine. I’m not a visitor, then. I’m Sheriff Taylor, and I have questions for her about the accident.”
There’s a beat of silence before I hear nurse Emily reluctantly say, “Alright.”
The moment I hear the door open, I turn away from him. I don’t want him to see me like this.
I hear his boots heavy on the floor, taking slow steps towards the bed–my back to him. I curl into myself, staying huddled on the edge with the blanket wrapped tightly around me.
I’m still shaking. I’m still cold.
The bed dips behind me and I feel him there, radiating heat like the summer sun. Ryan lifts the blanket and climbs on the small bed, wrapping his arms around me–pulling me into his warmth.
I don’t resist him.
He doesn’t say anything, and I don’t say anything. I just let him hold me as I let out everything I’ve held inside of me for what seems like a lifetime.
His presence is all I need. His comfort and strength envelope me, and give me the closure I need.
My head throbs even harder from crying, but I don’t care. I did this to myself. I always mess everything up.
When a fresh wave of tears pours out of me, Ryan slips his other arm under me and flips me so I’m facing him. But I don’t want him seeing me. I grip his shirt in my fists and burry my face against his chest.
I can feel his heart beating, and his even breathing. His chest rises and falls beneath my forehead, and I take solace in that simple motion.
