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Ally waves to me as she drives away, and then disappears behind the trees.
Resting my head back, I close my eyes.
I need to bottle this up and keep it sealed somewhere deep within me where I won’t be able to find it. This is what I do, this is what I’m good at–keeping it all to myself.
Every touch, kiss, and moment comes flooding to the surface in waves, crashing down on me, and a few tears leak from the corners of my eyes.
I can do this.
I’m strong.
A man doesn’t define me and my happiness, only I do.
I know who I am, and if he doesn’t want me, then fine. I’m leaving. By the time I see him again, I’ll be back to the old Ashley, just living for the fun of it.
But even as I think those words, my stomach churns.
I don’t want to go out and meet guys and party.
I want to curl up on the couch with the man I love and watch Jurassic Park while drinking hot chocolate and roasting marshmallows.
Fuck this. No.
Opening my eyes, I wipe my face dry and throw my car in drive.
I must have had my eyes shut for longer than I thought, because the sky has quickly darkened to a dull navy.
Leaving Dottie’s blue cottage in my rearview mirror, I focus on the road ahead. I have to keep looking ahead. I don’t know what’s in store for me, but I have to know that it’s better than this.
At some point in my life, something has to work out for me. Doesn’t it?
Turning on the radio, I blast the pop station and make a left out of the driveway. I need to flood my brain with something other than thoughts of Ryan.
“No!” I yell when a slow love song comes on and I quickly change to the rock station–letting the electric guitar and pounding drums drown out my senses.
Glancing at the clock, I realize I’ve been driving for fifteen minutes now, and nothing looks familiar. Did I make a wrong turn? Or miss a turn? Everything looks the same when it’s covered in three feet of snow. And the street names are hidden behind the snow that’s blown over and stuck to the signs.
Damn it!
Why didn’t I turn on my GPS before leaving?
Stopping, I put my flashers on, and turn on my phone’s GPS. Luckily, there’s no one out on the road, so I have time to sit here for a minute.
Oh my God. I have to backtrack like two miles! Damn it! I just want to get to the highway and drive as fast as I can away from this place.
Slamming my hand on the steering wheel, I make a k-turn in the middle of the road, and head back in the direction I came from. But then bright headlights shine directly in my eyes, and I can’t see a damned thing. Shit!
I turn the radio off to focus, and I look off to the side, blinking rapidly to try and clear my eyes of the white dots, but it does nothing.
I can’t see anything but the blinding lights.
All I can do is grip the wheel as hard as I can and hope I’m driving in a straight line, and not directly at them.
Time slows, and I hear the loud, heavy engine of a truck rumbling towards me, and the whoosh of air as it whizzes past my little car.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest as I scream at the top of my lungs, squeezing my eyes shut for a brief second, praying I’m not about to be crushed to death.
But then it’s quiet again, and my screams die in my throat.
