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He knew what I meant for Francisco.
And what I meant for Alejandro.
He knew I’d spent time with him, especially Alejandro.
And Alejandro and I were virtually a couple.
Everybody saw it. Knew it. Even Roman. Especially Roman. He had fun revealing everything.
‘Now you got your answer…’ he said to me before collecting his prize.
Roman Cardenas.
My thoughts swirl into oblivion while I melt into my seat.
Kai… My heart throbs again, every beat coming with sharp, excruciating pain.
It’s like his heart is a living thing, beating inside my chest, helping me see everything clearly.
Him sprawled in that chair, witnessing the orgy, getting hard most likely, not exactly waiting for his turn, just flogging his brain with arousing images. One side of his brain––to be precise––while the other side must’ve been shattered by the reality of those moments.
Everything he and I had lived before got swiftly destroyed.
My tears meant nothing, although he’d never doubted their sincerity. He didn’t doubt my intentions. He knew I was real. He knew what I felt.
He only doubted one thing. And that was my depth.
It’s not like he thought I wouldn’t have feelings for Francisco and Alejandro or they wouldn’t have feelings for me.
In the contract, he made it clear having deep feelings for each other would be grounds for dismissal.
To a point, he had expected them, but he had put those rules in place with an objective in mind.
He wanted us to sort through our feelings and compete with each other while he raised the stakes by throwing hurdles at us––like Roman Cardenas last night.
And then he wanted to see how strong our feelings were, if they were honest and if we could back them up.
That’s all that was. That’s all this is.
This is the gist of things.
He wants the absolute truth. Sacrifice. Tough choices along the way. And a long-lasting reality beyond the immediate reality.
Permanence.
And we’ve failed.
I have failed.
And I’m sure he thinks he’s failed too.
That’s why he’s gone.
And tragically, he’s right.
There was nothing special about us, although it was. Everything was and is special about us. The terrifying thing is that we can only see it in hindsight.
I do.
I’m sure he no longer looks at it. And we are back to square one. If we’ll ever get the chance to play this game again.
