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But see…
That would only work for them.
It would be up to them to reach that point where seeing me with another man was no longer possible.
When it comes to me, it would be something like…
My heart is filled with one of them so much that I can’t be with the other two.
I’d be loyal to that one man.
And I know how that feels because I already get hints of that scary sensation.
I already feel like explaining my behavior to him. And I already need validation so I can go further. That’s how it felt on Saturday evening.
He pours himself a glass of ice-cold water.
“What can I do for you?” he asks neutrally.
His tone feels like a blade in my heart.
His eyes smile, and he seems detached, and I almost ask him if he is still part of the agreement.
He’d probably ask me, ‘What agreement?’
He is in that kind of mood. He doesn’t seem bothered by anything.
He’s not angry, concerned, jealous, or even preoccupied with how the memories of everything we’ve done together and everything we’d planned together all but disappeared.
I decide to cut to the chase and tell him straight out what I think.
“I don’t know why we’re here…” I begin in a solemn voice that makes his smile fade somewhat. “Not here in this apartment, but here. At this point in time.”
Renewed interest for what I have to say glints in his eyes.
“I didn’t plan on looking for you. I thought you’d left, and then I found out you were still here but no longer staying at the hotel. I had a feeling you might be here, and I was right. Initially…” I say, looking down.
When I lift my eyes, he sets his glass of water on the counter, crosses his arms across his chest, and leans his hip against the edge of the kitchen island.
“I wanted to leave when I verified the information with the receptionist, and she told me you were in.”
I stop, finding it difficult to breathe, the crazy beats of my heart resonating in my ear.
“I, um… I didn’t know what to tell you even if I had walked upstairs. So, I wanted to leave but changed my mind, and here I am.”
I take another break, glance down, and swallow.
“I want to thank you,” I murmur, raising my eyes to him.
His eyes are sharp on me, the intensity of his stare making my heart skip beats.
“I want to thank you for everything that has happened these past few weeks. My life has changed in so many ways since I met you.”
My voice is softer, expressing some of my emotions.
He nods a silent acknowledgment.
I continue.
